One Word Joke
by Dancho
Summary: With the arrival of Trowa's new partner, Quatre, the Special Ops unit begins to reevaluate the strange routine they've fallen into. But when the rotting frame work of their lives breaks, all bets are off. Yaoi, Yuri and Het. Summary & Warnings inside.
1. Falsehood

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 1?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summary: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

PAIRING WARNING! x sexual relationships+ romantic. I pretty much plan on giving 13/11, 6/9 and R/D lemons. I'm still up in the air about 3/4, 1/2 and 5/S. If I decide to write any of those I'll edit the pairing marks.

STORY WARNINGS! AU (some Sci-Fi/Fantasy) and this will have YURI in it. Actual YURI, not just Shojo-Ai. Yuri girl/girl sex (lime or lemon). There might even be YAOI (boy/boy sex), and not just the Shonen-Ai I'm planning on. However, that'll be a bit difficult for earlier on, you'll see why. If this offends you, or you don't feel that you can be responsible/adult enough to read it… please don't flame or yell at me. As a side note, I'm a little nervous about the lemons (they're my first, Yuri, Yaoi or Het). I'm also a little nervous about posting on FF, so I might just post the full story on MediaMiner and put a link on my profile. Any advice on this? Anyone at all?

GROUP WARNINGS! I know nothing about the US government's FBI, CIA, SWAT, etc. And I most certainly know nothing about organized crime (please note this if you work for the police). I'm making it up as I go along. SOUs (special ops units) are of my own devising. There are six of them and each unit specializes in a different national and international problem. Therefore, because Romefeller is in every state, Une's unit focuses solely on Romefeller policy and control. (None of the other units are that important.) Because SOU is so important they get a lot of government support and can draft particularly gifted individuals from other sections of government work. They can also bend certain laws. Romefeller is sort of explained in this chapter.

Chapter Warnings: Yuri lime and some language. Plot explanations; it's poorly placed, but it's the best I could do. It's rather important to understand my version of Romefeller.

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O what a goodly outside falsehood hath! -Shakespeare, _Merchant of Venice_, I, 3

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Relena murmured and nuzzled closer to the body lying next to her. The body shifted slightly and tugged Relena closer, causing the young woman to open her eyes. Shifting her face slightly, Relena blushed as she realized the position she had put herself in. She was lying, naked, in her employer's bed. And if that _wasn't_ badenough, she was lying on top of her employer, Dorothy Catalonia, who was also naked. And as if that didn't look bad enough, Relena's legs were also intertwined with Dorothy's. Relena frowned slightly and sighed. It wasn't that this position was unusual—hardly; in fact, it was getting a bit too familiar for Relena's comfort.

The real problem Relena had with the situation was her own guilt. Not that she minded the sex; it was great. And not that she minded her lover being a woman; she had gotten over that a while ago. It was that everything in the relationship was a lie, and that made Relena Darlian, formerly Relena Peacecraft, Japanese actress, very uncomfortable.

Relena stared blankly down at the bed sheets and frowned.

_'It's been five years, as of today_,' Relena thought to herself. _'Five years since Papa died._'

Relena's father, Colonel Albert Peacecraft, had been the leader of the special ops unit of the American government for eight years until he had been assassinated by the organization he had devoted his life to destroying. Relena, who had been living in Japan with her mother since her father's promotion, had been devastated by the news of his death. She had tried for several months to contact her brother, Milliardo Peacecraft, who had disappeared earlier in the year. However, after reflection, she had decided that Milliardo probably knew and didn't care; he had never forgiven their father for choosing work over his family.

However, Relena was deeply affected. She had been consumed with hatred for her father's killer and the organization behind the murder. She had decided within a month of her father's death that she would help to bring down Romefeller, for revenge and to accomplish her father's dream. And so, before making another move, Relena had proceeded to know her enemy.

Romefeller, the largest criminal organization in the USA, had risen to power in less than a year by eating small organizations right, left and center. They had eaten up crime ring after crime ring, gang after gang, until they had dominated various areas of the black market and other illegal trades. And that had been twenty years ago.

The leadership behind Romefeller had been fairly clear then, since it had been broken up into three sections, each separate but closely related. Each section had been run by a head and the three heads combined had run Romefeller. Treize Khushrenada had been head of bodyguards, hitmen, thieves and prostitutes. John Korosu had been the head of drugs and Alberta Johnson had been the head of weapons.

(Since the assassination of Relena's father, things had, of course, changed. Treize Kushrenada had split his section in half. He had continued to control the bodyguards and hitmen, while Dorothy Catalonia had taken over the thieves and prostitutes. Four years ago, Zechs Merquise had taken over for Alberta Johnson upon her death of skin cancer and, two years after that, Lucrezia Noin had murdered John Korosu in order to take over his sector.)

Filled with purpose and knowledge, Relena had moved back to the United States less than a year after her father's assassination. Before taking a job as a servant in Treize Khushrenada's house, Relena had contacted the new head of special ops, Colonel Lady Une, and they had reached a tentative agreement.

Une would help Relena create a new identity with which to clear any background check Romefeller might run on her. This would allow Relena to gain a job in one of the heads' homes. Of course, Relena would be a freelancer, outside special ops and its rules, but Colonel Une would give her certain legal and financial benefits in exchange for being able to call for information at any time.

Relena's job with Treize hadn't lasted long before Dorothy, Treize's ex-lover, took a liking to Relena. She had hired Relena and soon after Relena had agreed to a sexual relationship with Dorothy in hopes of gaining the woman's confidence. It had worked. Fortunately, the only person who knew about Relena's relationship with Dorothy was the special ops head doctor, Sally Po, who was responsible for Relena's health. Relena had been let it slip when she had asked Sally to check her for STDs, but, fortunately, Sally had promised to keep the affair quiet, as long as Relena promised not to develop feelings for Dorothy.

Relena was positive that wouldn't happen. After all, her relationship with Dorothy didn't have a single grain of reality in it. At least… on Relena's part. Suddenly, Relena felt a hand squeeze her left breast gently and she looked up at Dorothy.

"You're thinking so hard. Is anything the matter?"

"No, my mind was just wandering," Relena blushed as Dorothy rolled over and began kissing her way down Relena's neck "Umm."

"Should I help you focus?" Dorothy asked after a moment, gently sucking on Relena's earlobe.

"Ah!" Relena cried as two of Dorothy's fingers slipped into Relena's velvety heat. "Oh… y-yes. GOD, YES!"

"You're so silly, love. I'm not God; just you're employer. That's a nice thought though." Dorothy grinned, but soon became too busy arousing Relena's nipples with her tongue to speak any further.

Relena's last coherent thought was, '_At least I'm pretty sure it's just about the sex_."

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"Treize is coming over for lunch," Dorothy remarked as she slipped on a pair of black shoes.

"What shall my role be?" Relena asked, buttoning up her shirt.

Relena had long since given up trying to keep all her clothes at her apartment; it was just more convenient to keep everything in Dorothy's room. She still had the apartment, of course, but she hardly ever went there; it would be just too permanent and real to move all her things into Dorothy's home.

"Oh, Treize knows about us," Dorothy smirked, running a comb though her hair. "I don't see why you should pretend for him. Huh? I see you're wearing that necklace I gave you. I thought you didn't like it."

"I like it." Relena blushed. "It's just too nice for everyday wearing."

"And why's that? If it breaks or gets damaged, I'll just get you a new one. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Miss Relena?"

"Can't you stop that? You shouldn't mock me. I'm the servant here."

"Well, you really shouldn't be, Miss Relena. You're more of a constant companion."

"And why do I always have to assume a paid role?" Relena asked, hating this part of the argument. She always lost, but each time the argument tread too close to a result she feared… and wanted. She wished she didn't have to get so close to get information. "Can't you just say lover? It wasn't half an hour ago we were fucking each other's brains out."

"Correction, I fucked your brains out. And you know the reason you have to keep a paid role. If you became my lover I'd have to drag you along to all those silly parties that you resist going to," Dorothy grinned, as she crawled across the bed to where Relena was standing. "And, of course, we'd have to argue sometimes. Besides, I kind of like this; I'd hate having to share you."

"I'm only yours, Dorothy," Relena whispered. "You don't have to worry about sharing."

"I know, I know; you're mine and I'm yours. But really, is there anything you lack, Miss Relena? Are you unhappy? Don't I give you everything you could want? Don't we go places together and talk? Do I ever hit you? Hurt you?"

"No, I'm very happy with you."

"Then, just give me one thing, Miss Relena. Stay on as my companion and don't leave to become my lover."

"All right, Dorothy. You win."

'_Again._'


	2. Silence

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 2?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summary: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Nothing actually. Not even much language. There is a bit of 'horror'… but I don't think it's that scary.

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Let him now speak, or else for ever hold his peace. -Book of Common Prayer

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Running along the small stony path, Wufei tried to escape from the monster chasing him, but he knew it was gaining. Running even faster, Wufei tried to breathe, but it was getting harder and harder as his muscles cramped up. Just as he was about to give up, he looked into the distance and saw a door standing in his path.

'_If I can just get past that_,' Wufei thought to himself as he stumbled, falling to his hands and knees. He dug his fingers and toes into the smooth stone beneath him in an attempt to propel his body across the ground. _'Just a little bit farther. Just a little more. I'm almost there!_'

Throwing his weight forward, he scrambled towards the door, his hand stretched out, desperately reaching for the door. His hand connected with the door handle. Pulling himself closer, he hauled himself to his feet and turned the handle. The door didn't budge and Wufei rattled the handle again and let out a scream as he found that the door was locked. Glancing over his shoulder, Wufei could see the horrific humanoid form approaching at an alarming rate. Turning back to the door, Wufei slammed his shoulder into the door in an attempt to break it down.

"Is anyone there!" Wufei cried, hoping someone would help him. "Po! Barton! Une? Oh, God! ANYONE! Fuck… fuck! MAXWELL! Please! PLEASE!"

He slammed his shoulder into the door again and looked back. The monster was almost within reach and he could already imagine the sticky breath of the disfigured woman on his skin.

Screaming again, Wufei slammed his fist against the door and cried out for help as he felt the woman's hand close around his neck. He struggled violently against the tightening fingers, which loosened, causing his head to shoot forward and slam into the door.

He woke up as his knees hit the ground. Lifting his finger, he gently felt the cut on his forehead. The blood was trickling down the side of his face, but Wufei was glad it wasn't in his eyes. He used the doorknob to pull himself to his feet and keyed in the unlock code that was flashing on the keypad screen. The door unlocked and Wufei slipped out of his room, straightening his PJ top. Softly walking down the halls, Wufei made his way to the infirmary. It didn't take him long, since he slept so close and he was there fairly often.

He finally found the door labeled 'THE DOC' and pushed it open.

"Po?" Wufei asked in surprise when he saw the doctor hunched over her work. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I had some extra work to complete, Wufei," Sally replied as she turned to look at the man. "Shit, it must have been pretty bad."

"I don't remember it," Wufei shrugged as he waited for Sally to pull on a pair of gloves. "I never do."

"You sounded awful. You were even calling out for help."

"You're not going to repeat that to anyone, are you?" Wufei asked suspiciously.

"Of course not, Wufei. Why on earth would I even _dream_ of telling _anyone_ in this unit that you were screaming for help?" Sally grinned as she cleaned the gash.

"You know perfectly well that you might let it slip in one of your conversations with Maxwell."

"I'm a professional, you know that. I consider your night terrors and anything I hear or see in relation to them part of my doctor-patient relationship with you. I don't blab about those sort of things."

"Then what do you find to talk with Maxwell about? Every time I turn around, the pair of you are in here running your mouths at each other!"

"Jealous much?"

"You're mocking me again, Po. Stop."

"Fancy that and I'm not really mocking you; just teasing." Sally laughed as she finished bandaging the wound. She pulled off her gloves and threw them in the trash before washing her hands with soap.

"Whatever. And you'd better not be spreading rumors about me behind my back."

"Aw, you scared?"

"Idiot."

"If I'm such an idiot, why don't you just leave?"

"Are you kidding?" Wufei asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're the only person in this unit I can even remotely stand."

"I'm honored," Sally bowed as she sat down again. Turning her chair to face Wufei, Sally smirked. "It's so nice to know that I rank higher than the esteemed Trowa or Une."

"Speaking of whom, did Une tell you what her surprise is? She's been so secretive about the whole thing. Even Maxwell is clueless."

"You know I wouldn't be allowed to tell you, even if I did know. However, if I did know something—and frankly, I can't be sure—it would be that 'it' is being assigned to Trowa and I had to give 'it' a physical."

"Are you serious? It's been five months. Why would Une get a replacement now?"

"I told you I don't know for sure; it's all a fairly certain theory I've pulled together."

"I wonder why Une's been so tight-lipped about the whole thing. Does 'it' have a name?"

"Not that I was told. He didn't even speak to me."

"Thank Nataku, it's a guy. I'd have hated to see Barton be assigned with a girl like Peacecraft."

"Ssssh! We're not supposed to mention her! And it's Darlian."

"Humph."

"Well, at any rate, you shouldn't worry about Une's surprise. In a matter of hours, we'll all know for sure and, by tomorrow, Duo'll know everything there is to know about the matter. That, of course, means that everyone in the unit will know by noon… at the latest."

"And that is the only thing he's good for. Other than that, he's just trouble," Wufei grumbled as he jumped off the examining table.

"HEY!" Sally snapped, grabbing Wufei's wrist as he turned to go. "Duo can't help having the Shinigami program anymore than you can help having night terrors."

Wufei didn't say anything as he shook off her hand and left the room.

"Stubborn pig," Sally muttered before returning to her work. There was a moment of silence, while Sally scribbled a note to herself and mutely raged against Wufei. Finally letting out a sigh, Sally put down her pen and rolled her eyes, ready to admit out loud what she had really been thinking. "At least he didn't hurt himself too much during his night terror."

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AN: What Wufei has, night (or sleep) terrors, is actually a sleeping disorder. A person is aroused, but they aren't actually awake, and are not in control. People who are experiencing night terrors can attack people and things and are capable of hurting themselves or others. If you want to know more, I've included a link to a site about night terrors in my profile.


	3. Friend

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 3?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Blood and a little gore. A little Wufei bashing, but all in good fun; I love Wufei, so this'll probably be the only chapter with it. Bastard!Trowa. You should probably get used to that; he's going to be really cold for a while, but there is logic behind it. Besides, Trowa's kind of cold in the anime. Anyway, Bastard Trowa will be vindicated; I love him too much to make him a true asshole.

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Against a foe I can myself defend, but Heaven protect me from a blundering friend! -D'Arcy W. Thompson, _Sales Attici_

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Duo sighed and fished around in his pants pocket. He grumbled a little and wished Heero would return from his mission with Trowa.

_'Wufei's okay and all, but he's just so obnoxious! He's so serious and uptight, he's practically a walking heart attack. At least Heero didn't yell at me when I danced on my desk. Honestly. I don't know what the big deal is either. I'm not in any danger! Why is Wufei making such a big deal about protecting me?_' Duo wondered to himself.

Rolling his eyes, Duo found the key to the apartment he shared with Heero and slid it into the lock, unlocking the front door to the apartment. He turned and was about to tell Wufei that he could go back to the office when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heero walking down the hall towards him. Heero's eyes were trained on the ground and he was moving slowly, almost reluctantly. Duo frowned in confusion. Even when Heero didn't want to go somewhere he always moved with a purpose, not as if he was slogging through knee-deep mud.

Shaking away his concern, Duo turned to face Heero, leaving his keys in the lock.

"Heero!" He called, waving to his lover, and Heero stopped moving.

"Yuy," Wufei greeted him. "Are you and Barton back? You certainly are earlier than expected."

"Yeah!" Duo exclaimed, remembering that Heero had told him that the mission would take at least two days. "You _are_ early. Is something wrong?"

Heero didn't answer; he just started to move forward again. Duo grew worried that Heero was hurt but he wasn't limping or trailing blood, so Duo just stood outside his door, watching as Heero stopped again at one of the hall window. His eyes lifted from the floor to look at Wufei and Duo, and Duo noticed that his eyes were hollow and empty. His hand slowly went to his jacket pocket and he pulled out his gun, pointing it at Duo.

"Heero?" Duo asked, taking a step forward. He wasn't scared; he knew Heero wouldn't hurt him, but he couldn't understand his lover's actions. "What is it? What's wrong? You don't look so good…"

Everything after that was a blur for Duo.

There was a gunshot and, as he heard it, Duo felt Wufei grab him around the waist. Wufei threw their combined weight against the door to Duo and Heero's apartment, causing it to open and the pair fell to the ground, Wufei covering Duo's body protectively. Duo felt a little twinge behind his right eye, but, once he figured out where he was, it disappeared.

Just as Wufei drew his own gun, there were another two gunshots, both in rapid succession. And then there was a silence.

Duo pushed Wufei away and stood up. Running out into the hall, he looked for Heero and found him sprawled on the floor, his gun a few inches from his relaxed fingers. Duo ran down the hall and fell to his knees next to Heero's body.

"Heero? Hey, Heero, are you okay?" Duo asked, as he shook him. Heero didn't respond and Duo reached up to stroke the side of Heero's face, when his questing fingers found a wet area around Heero's head. Removing his finger's Duo held them up to the light streaming in from the hall window and felt the urge to throw up. They were blood red. "Oh. OH MY GOD! HEERO! Wufei! Call a doctor! Call a doctor! Heero, speak to me! Speak to me!"

Duo felt tears flooding his vision as he continued to scream for help and as he turned Heero on his side to inspect his head wound, Duo wished fruitlessly that it wasn't as bad as it looked.

"Wake up, Heero! Please, wake up!" Duo begged, as a hand pulled him away from Heero's body. Looking to the window to pray to God, all Duo saw was a single bullet hole in the glass and Trowa Barton, holding a sniper rifle, standing on the roof of the building across the street. Their eyes met and Trowa turned away, his face emotionless and detached.

Duo sat up in bed, screaming for Heero.

"What? What's wrong?" Heero asked as he hurried into the bedroom.

"Oh… oh, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," Duo apologized, rubbing his face. Heero came closer and looked down at Duo.

"Did you have that dream again? That memory?"

"How did you know? Are you psychic with ESP powers!"

"Baka; it's the only dream you ever complain about."

"Don't speak those creepy Japanese words if you're going to insult me," Duo grumbled, as he pulled his legs up against his chest and Heero sat down at the foot of the bed.

"I really am sorry about all that," Heero sighed.

"Would you stop blaming yourself for that? It wasn't your fault that it happened and it's not your fault I keep having dreams about it."

"I should have acted differently. Been smarter. Avoided that woman."

"How could you have known? No one could have imagined that would happen! It's not your fault. Any of it."

"And no blaming Trowa, either."

"'Don't blame Trowa, don't blame Trowa!' How can you always say that? God, I hate it when you want to blame yourself, but no one else can be responsible. Why does it always have to be your fault? He fuckin' shot you; he's the most to blame for my nightmares, at the very least."

"Trowa's not to blame. I would have done the same thing if I had been in his place. It was the only option; he had to protect the lives of others. He had to protect you."

"So that makes it okay? That makes it okay that he had to eliminate you? I was so scared, Heero! Scared that I would lose you!"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, I know. Whatever; I haven't completely ostracized the man."

"I know," Heero replied as he brushed a kiss over Duo's lips and Duo shivered a bit. Suddenly Heero laughed a bit, almost to himself. "He did that all on his own."

"On a happier note," Duo replied, urgently trying to change the subject. "Une's going to reveal her surprise today. I, for one, am looking forward to it."

"Any ideas?"

"I'm hoping for a tank."

"Special ops units never get tanks, you know that."

"I can hope, can't I? What do you think it is?"

"It would have to be very important to keep it so secretive. Perhaps a new firearm prototype?"

"Would you like to wager anything? My tank against your gun?"

"But I'll win."

"Maybe, babe. We'll see." Duo shrugged as he stood and grabbed a towel with a change of clothes. "I'm going to shower before Wufei picks me up for work. Meet you there?"

"I'll find you," Heero agreed, and Duo blew his lover a kiss before the two parted.

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AN: Yes, I am aware as to what a sniper rifle shot will do to a person's head at such close range as across the street. This gets explained later. Trust me, please?


	4. Lover

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 4?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Shojo-Ai. Treize; while not evil, he's still a warning all by himself.

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Why so pale and wan, fond lover? -Suckling, Encouragement to a Lover

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Treize knocked on the front door to Dorothy's house and brushed his fiery hair from his face. He waited for a while, but he didn't mind. He could wait; he was… incredibly patient, as other areas of his life displayed. Just as he was letting his mind wander to that area of his mind, the door opened and Treize came back to the moment.

Relena stood at the door wearing a short black skirt and a purple blouse. She was also wearing a gold locket with two diamonds embedded in the cover.

"Ah, my dear Miss Darlian. It's a pleasure to see you again in such fine health," Treize greeted the woman as he entered the house and Relena shut the door after he had entered.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Khushrenada. You look very well yourself."

"Doesn't he, though, Miss Relena?" Dorothy asked, coming towards the pair. She wrapped her arm around Relena's waist and winked at Treize before kissing Relena's temple. "Well, why don't we get settled and we can talk for a bit."

"That sounds fine," Treize agreed and the trio began walking towards the sitting room, Dorothy's arm still keeping Relena close. "I've noticed you've begun to grow a few rose bushes in your front yard. They look splendid."

"We've really got Relena to thank for that, don't we, Miss Relena? I haven't got much of a knack for growing things myself; just destroying, it seems."

"I wouldn't say that, Dorothy." Treize smiled and looked to Relena for support, since she usually participated actively in the discussions, but Relena didn't meet his eye. She simply looked at the floor, lost in thought, and allowed Dorothy to lead the way to the sitting room. Treize frowned slightly at the oddity, but by then they had reached the sitting room and he was forced to just file it away under 'lover's tiff.'

They entered the sitting room. Treize took his usual winged chair and Dorothy took a seat on the sofa. She tugged on Relena's arm, trying to pull Relena down beside her, but Relena didn't allow herself to be pulled down.

"I'll just make some tea, shall I?" Relena offered.

"Oh, tea. Some coffee would be much better. Don't bother with beans; instant is good enough. What about you, Treize? Should Miss Relena make you some tea?"

"Please. Thank you," Treize smiled and Relena nodded before leaving the room. "I see she's wearing that locket you gave her. Special occasion later?"

"No, not that I remember. Oh shit, maybe I forgot one. She's been a little off today and I can't figure out why. I hope she lets me make it up to her. She can be so stubborn about things. However, that's not why I wanted you to come over today."

Relena bit her lip and crept towards the door to the living room so she could listen to the conversation. She'd just set the kettle going, but she knew roughly how long it would take the water to boil, so she wasn't scared of it all evaporating.

"Of course not. What can I do for you?" Treize replied, as Relena pressed the palm of her hand against the doorframe and pushed her ear closer to the door, even though her ear didn't touch the wood.

"It's about that woman, that abomination in the special ops unit."

"Colonel Lady Une, yes. I've heard of her."

"She's got to go, Treize," Dorothy continued, her voice hardening.

Relena sucked in a breath in shock. She'd only heard Dorothy use that voice once, and that was on a man who had attacked them. After disabling the man, Dorothy had questioned him, and after discovering he was a common mugger, she had proceeded to break both his wrists and legs before dragging Relena off to call the police and turn the man in. Relena shivered at the memory; she had never been more scared of Dorothy than at that moment.

"Go? Go where?"

"Don't play stupid, you asshole! She's becoming a nuisance. I've tried bribes and threats, even blackmail. But she's clean. She's even an orphan. It's so frustrating! No friend, no family; I mean, who can live like that? Anyway, I can't touch her, so we're going to have to eliminate her. Her unit of special ops is starting to take out some of my thief rings. She's even working with some local police forces, trading information and so forth."

"You're not the only one affected, Dorothy. Noin's drug trade has decreased lately and Zechs is having trouble getting new goods because her unit led a raid on one of his storehouses. We're all having trouble."

"All the more reason to get her out of the way. She's tricky; she's begun to work with those out of her jurisdiction and she's found a way to get away with it. She's targeting Romefeller preemptively instead of sticking to damage control and we all know it. It's only a matter of time before she decides it's time to crush the head or, in this case, heads. We are the brains, Treize; it's a miracle we haven't been targeted directly yet. We're in danger, Treize, so we've got to fight back while we've still got support and control."

"I can't, Dorothy."

"You… can't? What the hell does that mean?"

"It's impossible; Colonel Une is actually off the list. I can't assign a hit for her," Treize repeated and Relena let out a silent sigh of relief, before she realized the kettle was probably boiling by that point. Pushing her ear away from the door, Relena crept down the hall, wishing she could listen to more of the conversation.

"She's off the list? Why? What in the world possessed you, Treize? Are you fucking crazy? She's a menace!"

"Didn't we say the same thing about Colonel Peacecraft? He was getting closer and closer to attacking the heads, closer and closer to disabling Romefeller. We, the heads, decided that he had to go and he went. I watched as Odin Lowe assassinated Albert Peacecraft."

"So what?"

"So we took him out and look who took his place? Colonel Une! And isn't she worse? Well, perhaps not worse, but certainly quicker to tackle us. Taking Une out isn't going to solve the problem; if anything her successor will only be worse. At this point we're not being targeted. They try to stop the lower aspects, the actual drug selling and stealing, but they won't touch us. Why? Because if we go, so does the stability and normality of most crime in the US. They can predict us to an extent, because we are so organized. So, what if the next guy to come along decides he doesn't care and starts targeting us?"

"Then what are you suggesting? You must have some solution. Even if her successor is worse, it'll still buy us a few years, you can't deny that. Go on! What do you propose?" Dorothy asked as Relena came back in the room carrying a tray with the trio's drinks.

"We just have to get smarter, that's all," Treize smiled, as he lifted his tea and took a sip. "Ah, thank you for the tea, Relena. I see you're wearing your locket today. Is it a special occasion or something?"


	5. Friendship

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 5?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Quatre finally makes his appearance. More G-boy antics (well, sort of; half of them are just downright disturbing. I'm sure there's a circle of hell for people like me.) Uh, language. But that's just guaranteed.

AN: A great big belated thank you to my BETA, MeeLee. The grammar goddess.

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Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly. -Shakespeare, _As You Like It, II, 7_

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Quatre took a sip of his tea and grimaced briefly before frowning down at it.

_'Even Rashid would demand his money back. This truly is insufferable,_' Quatre thought to himself as he quickly slipped a dollar bill under his saucer as a tip and made a note never to buy tea there again, even if it was only two dollars and the service was good.

Slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder, he grunted a little under the sudden weight and left the teahouse. It was a nice day, if not a little too chilly for the Arabic boy's taste. The streets were packed with various types of businessmen and women, professionals, tourists, children with their parents and all sorts of other people.

Every single one of them was bustling and shoving, all trying to get to their destination before the noon rush. Frowning a little as he was forced to avoid a lady by taking a step into the street, Quatre wondered if he would ever get used to the major city. That wasn't to say that his hometown was tiny and he had traveled to Cairo a few times, but this was entirely different. He had been with Rashid in Cairo and the bustling metropolis of Washington, D.C., was so very alien to him.

'_At least,_' he condoled himself, _'I won't have to go looking for an apartment. Colonel Une is very generous to locate one and pay my first six-month's rent. What a generous way of tying me down for half a year. Whatever. She shouldn't have bothered. It's my duty._'

Quatre was so engrossed in his thoughts, he didn't notice that he had passed the special operation's building. Retracing his steps, Quatre finally arrived, headed over to security and waited for the girl at the front desk to get off the phone.

"Yes. Yes, I know that, sir. Yes, I know that too. You said so, sir. God, will he just shut up for a second? Yes, I know it's been two hours, sir, but what do you want me to do about it? He outranks me, so I'm afraid that if you want him out you'll have to do it yourself," There was a silence as the woman listened to the man on the other end.

"Excuse me?" Quatre whispered, hoping to catch the woman's attention.

"He's not breaking any laws, sir, so you'll just have to put up with it if no one wants to talk to him about it. Now I've got to go, so take it up with Colonel Une if you've still got an issue."

The man on the other end didn't seem too happy and the woman quickly scowled.

"The same to you, sir," the girl shot back at the man on the other end of the phone line, before slamming the receiver down.

Brushing her almost purple hair out of her eyes, the guard shifted though a few papers and found a calendar, which she quickly made a tally mark on, before returning her gaze to Quatre expectantly.

"Uh, I'm here to see Colonel Lady Une," Quatre said, suddenly unsure if he was even in the right dimension.

"You've got an appointment, do you?" the woman asked as she nodded to an Asian man as he flashed his badge in her direction and passed through the metal detectors.

"She should be expecting me, yes," Quatre replied, fishing through his pockets for a note Une had written for him. "I'm Quatre Raberba."

"Right, let me see," the woman replied as she typed a few things into the computer and grunted to another guard who walked before the desk and took a seat. "Okay, you're cleared. I'm supposed to take you on a tour before you see her, so come on. You're later than expected."

"Leaving the desk unmanned, Hilde? How unprofessional," the other security guard said as the female guard stepped out from behind the desk.

"But Yuda, that's what you're here for," Hilde replied sweetly.

"I'm not on for ten minutes."

"Suck it up, or take it up with Une. I've got orders to tour the bigwig over here. Come on, you," Hilde continued, grabbing Quatre's arm and tugging him along. "Move it or lose it, junior."

Quatre allowed Hilde to pull him down the hall and into the elevator. They stood there in silence as they waited for the elevator to descend to the second basement.

"Sorry, about that," Hilde apologized, startling Quatre a little. "It's just that I've been working a lot of hours lately, and my personal life's going through hell. Then Colonel J called, and he's just an asshole; hell, even Heero didn't get on with him so well. Plus I just don't like Yuda. He kinda rubs me the wrong way, you know?"

"Uh, yeah. It's okay."

"Thanks, I didn't want to startle you, or make you think I was a complete bitch," Hilde confessed as the door dinged open and the pair stepped out into the hall. "The special ops division building has twelve floors. There's security, which is the ground floor and then there are seven others above ground. Four are underground, but you'll probably only need to know about two. The fourth basement is just maintenance, like heating and plumbing. Then there's storage, which gets its own floor and then there's the second basement. That's us! This has your basic workout areas: mats, weights, everything but a pool, and that's in our other building."

Hilde pointed out a few of the workout areas as they passed through and went up the stairs to the first basement. As soon as the fire door had closed, Quatre was assaulted by the silence of the floor.

"This is our shooting gallery. No fancy obstacle courses--that would be our other building again--just target practice," Hilde continued as they walked down the hall. They reached an area with a large glass window that looked into the shooting gallery. There was only one man using the gallery, and Quatre took a step towards the glass to get a better look.

The other man was tall, far taller than Quatre, and very thin. Not to say he was unhealthy or weak; his muscles were simply compact. The man had brownish-red hair that hung over one side of his face, and he was wearing headphones to protect his ears from the sound of his gun. Quatre raised one hand to point the man out to Hilde, but this distracted the man and he turned to look up at Quatre. Quatre froze, as he saw the man's single visible eye. It was a deep green that closely resembled an emerald, as they shared color and stoniness.

Quatre tried to wrench his eyes away but couldn't until Hilde placed her hand on his shoulder and he turned to face her on instinct.

"You okay? You looked kind of freaked out."

"I was just…" Quatre began, as he turned to look down at the man. Hilde followed his gaze and they both watched as the man spoke with another man, who looked as if he was wearing a strap-on nose.

"I guess J got S to talk to Trowa. It's amazing Trowa still tolerates S; he can barely endure anyone else," Hilde shrugged. She led the way to the stairwell and they jogged up to the first floor. Walking through, Hilde pointed out various medical facilities, but Quatre wasn't really paying attention. He'd already been through the medical wing. He wondered if the head medic would be around; she had seemed nice.

They moved up, briefly stopping at the door to each floor so Hilde could explain each special ops unit's purpose and complain about the colonel who headed them. Quatre was bored to tears by the time they got to the top floor.

"This is Une's unit. If you continue up the stairs, you'll get to the roof, which has a helicopter landing pad, but that's pretty much it; nothing to really see," Hilde explained as she opened the door and walked in. There were various people milling around, talking and working with the ease born from routine.

"Schbeiker!" A voice shouted across the floor and Hilde looked over at the Asian man coming towards her. Quatre recognized him as the man who had passed by while he was at security, but the man didn't seem to recognize him. "What are you doing up here? Is there a problem?"

"Nope, just showing the new kid around."

"I'm really not a kid, you know," Quatre mumbled but no one seemed to hear him.

"Wufei, this is Quatre… uh, what's your last name again?"

"Raberba. I'm Quatre Raberba."

"Chang Wufei," Wufei nodded, shaking Quatre's offered hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Raberba."

"Wufei calls everyone by their last name," Hilde explained. "Even Doc. Anyway, Wufei, can you take Quatre to Une? He's got a meeting."

"All right. I'm not committed to anything else at the moment."

"Thanks, Wufei. Later, Quatre," Hilde called as she headed back towards the stairwell, leaving Quatre with Wufei.

"Well, you'd best come with me," Wufei shrugged and began to navigate the maze of offices and cubicles.

"'Fei!" A voice yelled and Quatre nearly choked as an arm caught him around the shoulders. "Who's the newbie?"

"That's Quatre Raberba you're strangling, Maxwell," Wufei sighed and the arm around Quatre's throat disappeared, allowing Quatre to face his attacker. Quatre was surprised by the man's youthful face and long hair; it was in a braid almost past his butt. However, the man's most striking feature was his purple eyes. Not a shade of blue, or a mix; an honest-to-God purple. "Raberba, Duo Maxwell."

"Oh? Wow, you're kinda young, aren't you?" Duo asked as he looked down at Quatre.

"I am only twenty," Quatre admitted, looking at his feet.

"Are you shitting me? Holy fuck! And here I thought you were younger than little old me; isn't that right?" Duo asked, looking over his shoulder. Quatre looked behind the boy, but couldn't see anyone. "Aw, you're so mean. See if I go home with you tonight."

"Maxwell, Raberba's running behind, so we've got to go. Why don't you accost him later?"

"Okay; I've got to sort out Heero anyway," Duo grumbled as he turned around and began mumbling to the AC unit. Wufei turned and continued on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Uh, sir?"

"Wufei, if you must. It seems everyone else does."

"Uh, Wufei, was he just talking to himself?"

"Look, Raberba. Maxwell's not all there," Wufei explained, giving Quatre a sharp look "It's almost to be expected in his case, but you're not to tell him because he doesn't know. Of course, as a general rule, Maxwell's okay to be around. If you want my advice, then you'll keep your distance from some of the others here."

"Like who?"

"It's easy to tell."

"I… I see."

"You're here," Wufei replied, as he stopped and motioned to a door with his head. "Have fun; Une won't bite… too hard." Wufei shrugged and left.

Quatre entered the office and was surprised to see Une sitting at a table with the doctor he had met previously.

"Quatre Raberba reporting for duty," Quatre said with a salute and Une motioned for him to have a seat.

"Quatre, you already know Sally Po, the head of our medical department," Une introduced the pair, motioning towards the doctor.

"Call me Doc." Sally grinned and Quatre shook her hand.

"Nice to see you again." Quatre smiled and the trio lapsed into silence.

"We're just waiting for your partner and then we can continue," Une explained as the door opened and the man Quatre had seen at the shooting gallery came in.

"You're late, Trowa."

"Forgot," Trowa shrugged and Une motioned for him to take a seat, but Trowa silently declined with a shake of his head.

"Quatre, this is the agent I spoke about earlier, Trowa Barton. Trowa, this is your new partner, Quatre Raberba…that is, as long as you don't object?" Une asked in such a way as to imply that he would be better off not doing so. Trowa shrugged casually in a practiced way that suggested he didn't care about anything at all. "All right then, you can go," Une said. "By the way, I'm expecting your report by tomorrow, so if you could at least think about working on that? Oh, Quatre, you stay."

Quatre sat back down and Trowa left, but not before turning back to look at Quatre over his shoulder. He looked Quatre up and down quickly, before shaking his head and leaving.

"Well, Doc's here to help you and me with a few forms, but before we go to that, there are a few things we need to go over. First of all, no matter what rumors you hear, or what people might say, Trowa has our complete backing and support in all his previous jobs. All of them, are we clear?"

"Yes… of course. Crystal clear," Quatre replied, feeling very confused.

"Right, and now there's the matter of…" Une began, but her phone cut her off. "One minute, please."

There was a moment of silence as Une opened her phone and listened.

"Okay, I'll be there," Une replied sharply, before hanging up. "Doc, we've got a situation. You'll need to come with me."

"How critical?" Sally asked standing and picking up her messenger bag off the floor.

"Stabilized, but slipping. They're wheeling him in to the operation room now."

"Who is the doctor?"

"Jonathan Raffe."

"Couldn't you get Smith-Ross? She's much better."

"She's in Florida. Raffe is the best we can do."

"I'll call his family from the hospital; let them know we're with him. But we'd best helicopter there. Rush hour's a pain."

"Should we get Duo? He's out best pilot."

"No, he thinks Heero's in an off mood. They seem to sort things out best here," Sally replied as they turned to leave the room.

"Have we discussed putting that boy on meds?"

"We tried that, but nothing works; you know that," Sally sighed.

"Excuse me? What should I do?" Quatre asked, and Une turned to look at him.

"I'll find you tomorrow and we'll work on the papers. For right now go to your office and get Duo or Trowa to explain what they need you to do," Une said quickly, before she left with Sally close behind.

Quatre got his bag and stepped outside the room, not sure where he was supposed to be going. He finally retraced his steps toward the other offices and soon found Duo talking at Trowa. At, Quatre decided, was the best preposition, as Trowa wasn't responding in any way to Duo's chatter.

"Uh, Duo? Trowa?" Quatre asked, and was surprised when Trowa simply left.

"Hiya, Q! What's up?"

"I was in a meeting with Une, but she had to go somewhere with Sally," Quatre explained as he watched Trowa's retreating back.

"Must be Treize. The hell if she doesn't run herself ragged trying to catch that asshole."

"Treize?"

"One of the heads of Romefeller. Our entire unit specializes in disabling their interstate activities. They're a pain in the ass, but they know what they're doing. It'll probably end up getting Une killed, of course. Heard that's what happened to the last guy."

"Oh… right. Um, Une said you'd tell me what you needed done," Quatre continued, trying to keep Duo on topic.

"You mean… you mean you actually have mental capabilities? You're a blessing! What've you got?"

"Got?"

"Skills! What can you do for me?"

"Uh… Well…" Quatre stammered feeling oddly self-conscious. "Well, I can work as a translator."

"Really? What language? Our French language specialist just quit last month and we're behind."

"Well, I can speak Arabic, English, German, French, Spanish and Japanese."

"How about reading and writing?"

"Of course, but my German and Spanish writing skills are a little rusty," Quatre admitted, but Duo was already grinning.

"You, my new favorite friend, are a Godsend. Come right this way. I thought we'd never get that one folder done without sending it out of our unit."


	6. Marriage

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 6?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Noin's a bit of a bitch. But it's her job; at least that's what I keep telling myself. I mean, I love Noin. Definitely one of my favorite female characters (just after Sally), but this is how it's working out and… well, _I_ can sort of see it and she's not totally abhorrent, except near the end. Even then some of you might side with Noin. If you make it that far, that is. What can I say, Noin's the bad guy in this story. Her and Zechs, but Zechs is just following Noin, so yeah… I'll shut up now.

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Advice to those about to marry--Don't. -Henry Mayhew, _Punch's Almanac_, 1845

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'_Just another deal.__ How boring_,' Lucrezia Noin thought with a sigh as she peered around the doorway and strolled out to her car. She really didn't like meeting with most of her contacts, and tried to maintain her aloof image by avoiding personal meetings, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. Of course, she tried to console herself, what she really despised was the one-on-one meetings. They were usually in a dark and dingy area, with a scumbag who'd sell her out for a lighter sentence or a quick fix.

'_At parties, at least I have Zechs to keep me company and get me out of truly awful conversations,_' Noin reminded herself with a smiled at the thought of her lover. '_He's such a sweetheart. Not like that other lump of flesh I used to be with. Now if he wasn't an asshole and a half. I suppose I'm almost glad he overdosed, that son of a bitch._'

Noin shook her head to clear out her mental images of her high school ex lying on the floor in the middle of a cocaine-induced stupor. He'd been a great guy, until he gotten into drugs, but at the time Noin had been too in love with him to notice his problems. To get money for necessities, drugs for him and safety for them both, Noin had begun dealing. Not that he had noted the fact, or even cared. Drugs had become his life and he only noticed her long enough for sex.

And then, after one and a half years, he had died from an overdose of heroin. Noin hadn't bothered to stay for the funeral, saying her simple goodbyes before the police had arrived at the apartment. She had gotten over their romantic life months before his death and had only stuck around because their life together had become a routine almost impossible to break.

But with his death, there was nothing to hold her back and Noin moved on and up. Rapidly. Almost a year later, when Noin was just under the second-in-command to the head of drugs for the Romefeller organization, she had been introduced to Zechs Merquise, the head of weapons. When they had met for a second time at a party a few months later, Noin had asked him out to a movie. With the response that he didn't date out of his ranking, Zechs had politely, but firmly, brushed her off.

_'But didn't I get the last laugh?_' Noin thought, smirking as she sat down behind the wheel of her car. Within the month, Noin had assassinated her boss and taken power. Before six months were up, they had bought a house and moved in together.

Noin had never been happier.

Shaking her head, Noin shuffled through the pockets of her lightweight jacket and tried to find her car keys. She frowned as her searching fingers found something different and she pulled out a baggy with a small amount of blue-green powder in it. Confused, Noin tried desperately to remember what it was and how it had gotten there. If she couldn't remember, she was in danger of being set up.

And then, with a flash of insight, Noin remembered and dropped her head onto the steering wheel, letting out the breath she had been holding in.

The packet had been given to her by her contact. One of his dealers had picked it out of the belongings of a lady in North Dakota. He claimed that the lady had invented the drug, which Noin very much doubted. She figured it was probably a bit of dyed cocaine or heroin. Rolling her eyes, Noin considered dumping it out the window, but stopped herself.

_'It can't hurt,_' Noin reminded herself. _'Besides, what if it _is_ a new drug? This could increase sales immensely. A quicker drug, a better drug.'_

Smiling to herself, Noin turned the packet over and tried to read the scrawl of permanent marker that titled the powder.

"J… JRJA? That doesn't make any sense. Wait, are those 'I's? That makes it… IRIA? IRIA. Still odd, I suppose, but whatever," Noin shrugged, as she slipped the powder back into her pocket and pulled out her keys. Slipping them into the ignition, she began forming a list of tests to run the drug through.

She would have to see if it was actually another drug. And then, if it was new and different, she would have to track down the inventor belongings because the creator would have done some research. Noin would also check into her cause of death because she didn't want to get stuck in the crossfire of two rival groups.

_'Well, won't this just keep me busy for a while? Hope Zech's doesn't get _too_ jealous,_' Noin mused as she merged onto the highway and headed home.

Strangely, as Noin was thinking about him, Zechs Merquise, the former Milliardo Peacecraft, was thinking about Noin. He had arrived home early after settling a dispute between two crime rings, but he hadn't forced his legs to move and carry him into the house yet. Instead he was sitting in his car, opening and closing the ring box that had been sitting in his glove compartment for six months.

_'It's our anniversary,_' Zechs reminded himself, as he flipped open the box and looked down at the diamond engagement ring.

_'Not really, though. A year and a half anniversary? That's a bit close to grasping at straws,_' Zechs continued and shut the box.

_'But I shouldn't need an occasion to propose._' Box open.

_'But if I don't have an occasion, once I start I've got to continue._' Box shut.

_'Maybe you need the lack of occasion to keep you focused on proposing and keep you from losing your nerve?_' Box open.

_'I don't want to appear nervous! I've got to have a back up plan!_' Box shut.

_'You coward!_' Box open.

_'I've been thinking that for six months now; I'm pretty much aware of the fact.' _Box shut.

_'Don't you love her?_' Box open.

_'Not a matter of love. It's a matter of guts._' Box shut.

Open… Shut. Open… Shut. Open. Shut. Open, shut. OpenShutOpenShutOpenShut.

Startled, Zechs looked up into his rear-view mirror as he heard a car come down the street, slowing down as it approached. It was Noin and she pulled into the driveway, right behind Zech's car. Panicking, Zechs wrenched his eyes away from the mirror, threw the closed ring box into his glove compartment and smoothly got out of his car, locking it behind him.

"Hey, babe," Noin greeted her lover, kissing him on the lips. "You waiting for me, or just daydreaming?"

"Actually, I'd only just gotten home. Seems like our schedules matched perfectly today," Zechs lied effortlessly, as he wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked into the house together.


	7. Enemy

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 7?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Treize warning again. Het lemon between two unmarried people. Mild Romeo-Juliet complex, but not precisely. Twisted relationship. BTW, please practice safe sex! You don't know what STDs your partner might have.

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We have met the enemy and they are ours. -Oliver Hazard Perry, after the battle of Lake Erie, 1813

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Quatre walked into the weight area around seven that evening and was surprised to see that Hilde had been right. Duo _was_ there working out with a set of ten-pound weights.

"Hey, Q!" Duo smiled as he looked up to see the smaller man. "What's up? I'd ask if you're down here to work out, but you don't look dressed for it."

"I wanted to ask you where the German files go, and Hilde said you'd be down here," Quatre explained as he looked around.

"Translate the topic into English, then file the papers by topic. Example: Artz translates to doctor. File those items under Doctor, where there should be a German sub-folder. Understand?"

"I think so. Don't worry, I'll figure it out. Uh, where is everyone? Have they gone home yet?" Quatre asked.

"Home? Are you kidding me? Une just got back from seeing one of the men. You know, the one who got injured?"

"So?"

"So? So, she's pissed," Duo laughed as he set down his weights and picked up the towel he had thrown over his knee. Wiping the sweat from his face, he tossed the towel over his shoulder and grinned. "It's really amazing when she's in a bad mood. If she's happy she works out alone, but if she's mad she'll take on agents. The boss lady's good."

There was a sudden cheer from across the hall and Duo looked over in surprise.

"Wufei must have agreed to a match. Fuck, not good," Duo frowned, and started toward the direction of the cheer. "Want to come? I'm going to break it up, so there might not be much to see."

"Is Wufei good?" Quatre asked, as he followed Duo.

"Good? He's great and that's the problem." Duo shrugged and they entered the room with the raised mat. Wufei was stretching his legs and Une was waiting patiently on the other side. Her hair was up in two braided buns and she'd put on a pair of glasses, which seemed to worry Duo even more. The agents were calling out to one another, discussing the approaching fight and a few were even pulling out money to bet with.

Finally, Wufei was done stretching and stood, taking a fairly relaxed defensive position. The room quieted down and the two agents in the corner stopped taking bets.

"How is he?" Wufei asked.

"He's alright, but he took a bullet in the shoulder. Doc's with him now."

"Is Treize responsible?"

"It was one of his men, yes."

"Bastard," Wufei snarled, as he lashed out with a punch. Une blocked it and kicked at Wufei's head. Wufei blocked with his left hand and grabbed her ankle, pulling it past his face. Une went with the throw and fell onto her face, catching herself with her hands. Rolling away, Une kicked up at Wufei and the pair backed away from each other. Duo pushed to the front of the crowd and Quatre followed in his wake.

Suddenly, as if Duo's presence had triggered a reaction, Wufei lashed out at Une in a flash of movement, keeping Une on the defensive and hard pressed to block all of his strikes. Duo shouted at Wufei, but neither of the fighters seemed to notice. Grabbing one of the ropes that blocked off the mat, Duo made to haul himself onto the arena, but two hands reached out and grabbed him.

"Don't you dare," one of the agents growled as he held Duo fast.

"Yeah, Duo! You'll get hurt!" Quatre protested. Duo turned to yell at the pair, but it was too late. Striking back, Une kicked Wufei in the face, which knocked Wufei flat on his back. The agent holding Duo let go and Duo, after wrenching his arm free from Quatre's grasp, scrambled into the arena to help Wufei to his feet.

"You okay, man?" Duo asked, holding out his hand. Wufei ignored it and got to his feet. He bowed to Une and she returned to gesture, before the fighters turned to look at Duo.

"Maxwell?" Wufei prompted.

"I'm ready to go home," Duo grinned and Wufei nodded. They climbed off the mat, and Wufei grabbed his towel. "You want a shower? I myself was gonna wait till home, but if you want one…"

"I'll take one before I go to sleep. Let me just grab a better set of shoes and a clean shirt," Wufei shrugged and Duo led the way to Wufei's office. Quatre watched as they left and the spectators quickly followed, leaving Une standing alone in the middle of the mat.

"Colonel?" Quatre asked.

"Quatre!" Une yelped in surprise as his voice jolted him from her thoughts. "Can I help you?"

"Can _I_ help _you_, Colonel? Were you injured in your fight?"

"Me? No. I always win," Une sighed as she pulled a towel around her shoulders and sat down on the mat. She took off her glasses and unbraided her hair.

"Is this a common event here?"

"That depends on Treize," Une shrugged, as she reached off the mat and grabbed her shoes. Nodding goodbye to Quatre, Une grabbed her bag and headed to the showers. But after arriving at the locker rooms, Une found that many of the other agents were already there.

Usually Une didn't mind if the shower room was almost full, but she hated facing them after a fight with Wufei. It was rather awkward, since she would either be greeted with an awkward silence or the agents would ignore her entirely and continue with their discussion of the fight and the payment of money won off bets.

Deciding against a shower for the moment, she turned on her heels and left the room, opting to suffer for a bit and take a shower at her own home instead. Hurrying down the hall, she went to her office and grabbed her purse and keys before locking the door. Une took her normal route home, humming along with the radio.

She finally got home and locked the door behind her before tossing her keys and purse on the table by the door. She made her way upstairs to her room and connecting bathroom, and grabbed two towels. Turning on the shower, Une adjusted it to the right temperature and began stripping off her clothes as she let the water run.

As she stood under the spray, Une let her sweat and tension roll off her skin and muscles. She scrubbed her skin quickly and washed her hair before turning off the water and drying herself off. Wrapping her one towel around her body, she used the other to dry her hair as she walked into her room.

"Lady," A man's voice called as she entered her room and she looked over to see Treize sitting on her bed.

"Treize. I didn't know you'd be coming tonight. Did you lock the door behind yourself?"

"Always," Treize smiled and Une walked over to her closet to grab a large shirt to sleep in. Treize came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. "Your agent was spectacular this afternoon. I was impressed with his valor and bravery in taking that shot."

"You really are lucky he wasn't killed. If he had your ass would be outside by now," Une replied coldly, as she shook off his hold and pushed around some hangers in an attempt to find her sleeping shirts..

"I know; I know I'm lucky. I don't know if I could sleep without you for even a week," Treize smiled but Une only glared in response. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I burned it off with an agent earlier," Une glared at him, as she used her other hand to take down a shirt. "However, I thought we agreed not to talk about work while we were together."

"Of course. Now, why are you getting dressed, Lady? I'll only take it off you," Treize smirked and kissed Une on the lips. Dropping her shirt, Une wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.

"Why do I let you do that?" Une asked as she pulled away.

"Because you love it," Treize replied.

As Treize kissed his way down to her towel, Une helped him pull off his jacket. Growing impatient, she lifted his face and they kissed, tongues fencing with each other's. Une pulled Treize closer and began to unbutton his shirt as he led the way to the bed.

She pushed him back onto the bed and climbed onto his lap, straddling his hips. Together they quickly got his shirt off and it joined her own on the floor. Une's hands trailed down to Treize's waist, but he grabbed them and twisted so that she was under him. Pulling on her towel, Treize threw the towel for her hair across the room.

Une let her other towel open a little so she could grind her hips against Treize's. Treize and Une's hands fumbled around as they tried to remove Treize's pants and underwear. Laughing at their lack of dexterity, Une smiled up at Treize and kissed him on the lips, while he kicked the rest of his clothes off. Breaking the kiss, Treize kissed his way down Une's neck and latched onto her left nipple, while her hands moved to his erect penis.

She threw her head back, arching into his mouth, but her hands continued to stoke his length, making him groan.

"You've got to… stop that, Lady," Treize mumbled, his lips brushing against her sensitive skin as he spoke.

"Stop what?" Une asked, her eyes almost glazing over.

"You know what," Treize growled, as his left hand moved down to her legs and slipped inside her heat. "Do you want this over so soon?"

"AH!" Une cried, as his fingers began to move inside of her. Her own hands left his length and moved to his neck. With each stroke, Une's arms tightened around his body, pulling his lips closer to her breasts. "You… um… always FUCKing say that, Treize… ahhhh!"

Smiling to himself, Treize pulled his fingers out of his lover. Using his other hand, Treize grabbed a condom off the bedside table and slipped it on. Positioning himself at Une's entrance, Treize shifted his body, so that, as he entered her, his kiss would swallow her cries of pleasure.

They moved against each other, the feel of skin on skin stimulating their pleasure and need. It was fast and passionate once it began and soon they tumbled over the edge, panting and sweaty. Once he had recovered, Treize withdrew and pulled the condom off. He lazily leaned over and slipped the condom into a plastic bag, which he closed and threw into the trashcan. Lying back down, his arms circled around Une's waist and pulled her closer. He nuzzled her hair and closed his eyes as he prepared to sleep.

"Ugh," Une groaned softly.

"What?" Treize asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Now I've got to shower again."


	8. Self

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 8?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Shojo-Ai (which means Dorothy and Relena). Secretive!Quatre and Slightly dense Relena. Jealous!Dorothy and Stalker!Trowa. Yahoo!

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Know thyself. -Attributed to Thales

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Relena looked up from her book as Dorothy entered the room. Frowning, she noted that her lover was walking quietly so as not to disturb her. That could only mean one thing.

It made sense. There was a party that evening, Relena knew. Dorothy never acted this polite and considerate unless she wanted something. Relena had known Dorothy would eventually want Relena to accompany her to another one of those parties. It had been almost a month since the anniversary of her father's death and her own week-long depression. So, Relena reasoned, it would only be a matter of time before Dorothy decided she was 'better' and well enough to go to a party. Fortunately, Relena had the perfect excuse and wouldn't have to refuse point-blank, which was always rather awkward.

"Miss Relena?" Dorothy said, and Relena's frown deepened.

"You're mocking me again, Dorothy," Relena sighed, knowing what was coming.

"Would I ever do that?" Dorothy asked as she sat down next to the other girl.

"Yes. Now what do you want?"

"Always so suspicious, Miss Relena. But if you insist, I've been invited to a party tonight. It promises to be ever so boring. Won't you come with me?"

"I never do, Dorothy. You always ask and I never do."

"Are you ashamed of us?"

"I go out with you all the time, Dorothy. How can I be ashamed? It's just that I always feel outranked at your parties."

"You've never been to one, love. How can you tell?"

"I just know. Besides, I have a doctor's appointment this evening and I was planning on stopping by my apartment on my way home. Just to see if everything's okay."

"I think you just made that up," Dorothy pouted, but Relena knew she'd won. So, later, around five, Relena called the cab and went to Dorothy's room to inform her lover.

"A cab?" Dorothy asked, as she brushed her hair. "Why would you do that? I'll drive you."

"No, there's no need," Relena sighed, internally praying she could win the debate. "You should be getting ready for the party and I already phoned for a ride. Besides, showing up for such a late appointment in your car is rather embarrassing."

"What's wrong with my car?" Dorothy demanded, as Relena helped her fasten the simple silver chain necklace.

"It certainly isn't inconspicuous or restrained, is it?" Relena smiled and glanced out the window to see a traditional yellow taxi cab pull up in front of the house. "My ride's here. I'll leave my cell phone on if you need me."

"If you're sure. Last chance to go with me to the party."

"Goodbye, Dorothy."

"Bye, Miss Relena," Dorothy replied as the door closed.

"I told you to stop mocking me!" Relena shouted in reply and Dorothy allowed herself a rare smile. Hurrying out to the cab, Relena got in and nodded to the agent who was driving.

"I'm ready," Relena told the woman, who nodded and threw her cigarette out the window, before speeding off. The agent waited until they were out of sight of the house, before picking up her radio controller and calling in.

"This is Autumn, Winter. I've got the princess. Cover my tail. Autumn out," The agent reported before replacing the controller and glancing in her rearview mirrors.

Relena sighed and looked out the window. She knew it was for her own safety and the secrecy of her mission, but she thought it was a bit ridiculous. What would they do if someone followed them anyway?

It wasn't long before they reached the unit's building. Agent Autumn quickly parked the car and escorted Relena inside. From there Relena made her way upstairs to see Sally. She quickly entered the elevator and calmly waited for it to reach the next floor. It wasn't odd in itself that when the doors opened, she found herself face to face with a young man about her age. What was startling was the he was familiar.

"I know you," Relena whispered, as she stepped out of the elevator warily. "I've meet you before."

"I remember," the man replied, equally cautious. They stared at each other for a moment until Sally stepped out of her office and cleared her throat.

"Uh, Relena, if you're…"

"Relena? As in Relena Peace-"

"That's me," Relena interrupted, wincing. She hadn't expected to meet someone from her old life in Japan. This could prove to be a bit tricky. "Relena Darlian, from Japan."

"Oh? Ah. Relena!" the man cried, his face lighting up with a huge smile, pulling her forward into a hug. "It's so lovely to see you again! I haven't seen you since your mother's last party! That must have been… five years ago? Don't you remember me?"

"I'm afraid I…"

"I'm Quatre Raberba."

"Quatre Raberba? OH! Quatre!" Relena smiled returning the hug. "But I thought it was…."

Quatre looked at her silently before tilting his head meaningfully towards Sally. Relena trailed off slowly.

"… only four years since we last met. You came with your father, remember?" Relena saved, and Quatre smiled.

"It might have been," Quatre laughed and Relena smiled back.

'_If he won't repeat my real last name out loud then I will return the favor_,' Relena thought to herself as she talked with Quatre about the old parties they had attended together. '_I wonder why he dropped his last name though. He and his sister were always so proud of taking their mother's maiden name._'

After a few minutes of chatting with Quatre, Relena promised to find him again sometime to catch up and went off for her appointment with Sally. Quatre also left, taking the elevator down to the shooting gallery in search of Trowa.

Once the hall was vacated, Trowa stepped out of one of the examining rooms. He'd been bandaging a cut on his finger he'd gotten while in the shooting gallery when he'd heard Relena and Quatre talking. He'd glanced out into the hall, not surprised that neither of them had noticed him, and had simply watched, noting their reactions to each other.

'_Now that's interesting. That one pause was just so uneasy. I wonder what it was about?_' Trowa pondered, before shrugging and heading back downstairs. '_Well, it's none of my business anyway._'


	9. Friend II

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 9?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: **Bold denotes Arabic.** One bit of language and creepy stalker Trowa. BTW, Abdul is a reference to the Maganac with sunglasses. I'm not sure of his name and it's a fleeting reference, so I'm not going to look it up.

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He gain'd from Heav'n ('twas all he wish'd) a friend. -Gray, _Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard_

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"**So that's the deal with Abdul and Mira. I myself don't understand how they ended up dating, but it's sickening how in love they are. As grandmother says, if they're finally getting married, thank Allah!**" Rashid laughed as he relayed the latest gossip about his vast extended family to Quatre. Quatre laughed as well, thinking about Rashid's cousin, Mira. He'd always liked her, as he found her a sensible down to earth girl, but he'd never thought she'd end up with Abdul, a flashy smooth talker.

"**As long as he treats her right,**" Quatre smiled.

"**He will. Our family is too big for him not to,**" Rashid snorted and Quatre rolled his eyes.

'**_Well, I'd certainly hate to be on the wrong side of his family,_**' Quatre thought to himself.

"**Well, anyway. How is that new job of yours? Worth the move?**"

"**My new job?**" Quatre asked, as he glanced out into the hall and was grateful that no one was there. "**Well… it's… it's certainly different.**"

"**That bad?**"

"**Not really. It's fairly easy; a lot easier than I thought it would be.**"

"**Then what's wrong? Co-workers?**"

"**Yes. But it's not that they're mean, or anything. They're just… off.**"

"**Off?**"

"**Yes. Off their rockers! It's… they're…. They are… they're** fucking **insane!**"

"**Quatre, I heard that. Just because I don't speak English, doesn't mean I don't know a curse word when I hear one.**"

"**I know. But they really are nuts. One guy talks to people who aren't there and I swear I've heard the explosive's expert screaming sometimes… if I come early enough. One of the security guards is always fighting with the unit commanders and this really prissy girl I remember from father's parties is working here as an agent.**"

"**And your partner? You haven't mentioned him.**"

"**He's the worst. He's got as many expressions as a brick wall and I swear to Allah that he hates me. They're all so secretive here, too. It's impossible to figure any of them out.**"

"**Well, they _are_ a special ops unit.**"

"**I know, I know,**" Quatre sighed, as Trowa slipped into their office, causing Quatre to jerk in surprise and embarrassment.

'**_Did he overhear what I said about him? Or the others?'_** Quatre panic, before mentally smacking himself. '**_I'm talking to Rashid in Arabic! He probably doesn't understand a word I'm saying… or thinking, for that matter. Still, I'd better change to a safer topic._**'

"**Anyway, you should taste the tea over here, Rashid. It's really awful. You'd even send it back,**" Quatre laughed, hoping his friend and ex-bodyguard would catch the hint.

"**It must be toxic waste in that case,**" Rashid joked back, fortunately understanding the hidden signal. Quatre laughed as well and silently followed Trowa with his eyes as his partner left the room and walked down the hall towards the elevator.

"**All right; he's gone. Still, lunchtime's almost over, so I should get back to work. Talk to you again sometime?**"

"**Sure. By the way, Quatre?**"

"**Yes?**"

"**How's your own personal goal coming?**"

"**Nothing yet, but I think I'm getting somewhere with this job.**"

"**You know, you don't have to repent for what your sister did.**"

"**I know, but it makes me feel better.**"

"**All right. Goodbye, Quatre. The family would love for you to visit sometime.**"

"**I'll see. Bye, Rashid,**" Quatre smiled, and he hung up his cell phone.

For the rest of the day, Quatre worried about Trowa and waited for him to come in and ask about his conversation with Rashid. He knew it was a bit paranoid of him, but some people get jittery when you spoke an unfamiliar language with someone else around them. He also didn't know if he'd tell Trowa the truth or not. He knew it would be rude, but it wasn't a good idea to lie either.

Fortunately, Trowa didn't return to their office for the rest of the day and Quatre didn't see him at any time while he was in the rest of the building, so there was never a chance for the problem to arise. But that just meant that it ate at him for the rest of the day. Around five, Quatre decided that, because it was his own fault for talking about others where they might overhear, he would tell Trowa the truth. He promptly grabbed his things and left the building, in case Trowa would come into the room and challenge Quatre's new found resolve.

It was late the next day, almost eleven in the morning by Quatre's watch, when he ventured into work.

_'I am so pathetic,_' Quatre chastised himself as he made his way up the stairs. '_I don't even know if he cares. He might not. Allah damned elevator. What a hell of a day to be broken._'

By the time Quatre made it to the top floor, his legs were tired and he just wanted to sit down, so he ignored Duo's call, pushed open his already-unlocked office door and flopped down into his chair.

'_Trowa must already be in,_' Quatre decided as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Damn it," he sighed as he slowly lifted his head and prepared to go to work. However, on his desk there was a medium sized box, wrapped in plain brown paper with a note attached to it.

Confused, Quatre tore off the note and opened it. It was written in Arabic.

"**Quatre,**" Quatre read the note aloud, "**I overheard your conversation yesterday and couldn't help but think of this. It's from L3 traders and their stuff is excellent. By the way, I speak excellent Arabic, as I was stationed in the Middle East during the Space Wars. -Trowa."**

Blushing faintly, Quatre pulled the paper wrap off the box and turned it over so that it was right side up. It contained two boxes of tea.

Blushing as red as a tomato, Quatre got up and went into the small kitchen area to boil some water, but when he got there, he found Trowa already standing there, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Trowa?" Quatre asked, not sure if the quiet man had seen him.

"Quatre," Trowa replied, not looking away from his cup of coffee. The pair stood in silence as Trowa dumped a spoonful of sugar into his coffee and Quatre searched for the right words to say.

"**Thanks,**" Quatre finally managed and Trowa looked over at him.

"**You're welcome,**" Trowa replied and left the kitchen with his coffee.


	10. Medicine

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 10?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Bit of language. Not much else really, except for a bit of prying!Quatre poking around in people's past's.

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Like cures like. -Hahnemann

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Quatre rolled his shoulders slowly, trying to stretch out his sore muscles. He could hear Wufei and Duo talking as they waited for the elevator to take them to the first floor. Glancing at the clock, Quatre sighed and decided it would be for the best if he went home as well.

When he'd signed up, he'd thought that flextime was a good thing, but he'd come to realize otherwise. It was a simple fact that in order to get most of the work done, everyone had to be at the office. So everyone just came and worked late. Besides, most of their fieldwork occurred at night, if it wasn't long-term.

'_Well, working here until eight every night is a little bit silly,_' Quatre thought to himself as he began to put away some files.

"Quatre?" Sally asked as she stuck her head into the office. "Are you busy?"

"No; I was just going home, in fact."

"Oh. Well, if you've got a minute, could you stop by my office?"

"Sure. Now?"

"Actually, I've got to deliver a few files, but I'll be there in a bit. Just wait for me, okay?"

"Okay," Quatre nodded and Sally disappeared. Whistling a tune Rashid had taught him, Quatre quickly put away his things and made his way down to Sally's office. True to her word, she was still out, so Quatre curiously looked around her office.

It was a small room with a typical doctor's examining table and labeled translucent boxes containing common medical supplies such as tongue depressors, Band-Aids, gauze, sterilized pads and various bottles of disinfectants. There was also a small fridge, presumably for holding medications and fluids for injections but, after spending two weeks around Sally and the others, Quatre had the sneaking suspicions that Sally was using the appliance for other purposes.

'_Ten dollars says she's using it to store at least one soda,_' Quatre bet himself.

Quatre glanced over his shoulder to check for Sally's approach and turned to look inside the fridge when his eye caught three picture frames on Sally's desk. The first was a regular snapshot of her and Wufei. Wufei was clearly aggravated by either Sally draping her arm over his shoulder or the photographer. Laughing to himself, Quatre looked over at the other photographs.

The second picture was a posed group photo of around twenty people, situated in two rows, one sitting and the other standing. Their clothing ranged from lab coats to suits and ties to ripped jeans and t-shirts. The group was an even mixture of men and women ranging from the younger ones in their early twenties to the elder near retirement, and they weren't one specific race or ethnic group. Some were smiling at the camera, while others were serious or even melancholy. There was nothing that joined the group or unified them. Quatre looked more closely at the picture and found Sally standing in the back wearing a large t-shirt and a big grin. Quatre wrinkled his brow in confusion, and when he couldn't think of who the group might be or why Sally was a part of them, he moved on to the third picture.

This one was even more surprising than the other two because the entire time Quatre had known Sally he'd never seen her dressed in anything remotely military. In the third picture, Sally and another man were wearing special ops uniforms and saluting the camera with mock-serious faces. Picking the picture up, Quatre frowned down at it.

"Don't I look good in uniform?" Sally asked, as she came in the room, catching Quatre looking at the photo.

"Oh, uh, I'm… sorry. I didn't mean to snoop. Um, I…" Quatre trailed off, as he hurried to replace the photo.

"Don't worry about it. I was the late one. It doesn't matter much anyway. Everyone else here knows I had to quit fieldwork for medical reasons," Sally smiled, and motioned for him to take a seat on the examining table.

"Oh, well, okay. Uh, what's this about?"

"Just routine. I usually meet up with new personnel after a few months. So, how have you been? Are you able to keep up with the work or do I need to yell at Duo for tossing it all to you?"

"No, it's actually really easy. Some of my language recall is a bit rusty and I had to buy another French dictionary, but I'm coping all right."

"That's good. Duo thinks you're doing an excellent job. He's really glad you're here…mostly because you're one of the few who'll talk back to him."

"I like Duo," Quatre nodded.

"Po?" Wufei asked as he walked into the office. "Oh, is this private…?"

"Nope, what can I do for you, Wufei?"

"I've got a headache, do you have something for that?" Wufei asked, as he rubbed his forehead.

"Sure," Sally smiled as she pulled a bottle of aspirin out of her top drawer and tossed it to him. "Take two and call me in the morning."

"Oh, ha ha. I took Maxwell home, so I'm catching a shower and if my headache's not better, I'm off to bed. I'll drop this by after my shower either way."

"Right. Later."

"Po, Raberba," Wufei nodded to the pair of them before leaving.

"Sally?"

"Hum?" Sally replied jerking her head around to look at Quatre.

"What's… with Wufei?" Quatre asked, once his subject was out of hearing range.

"What about him?"

"Well, it's just that one of my first days here I was early and I heard him screaming. I followed the noise and I found him in one of the rooms down the hall."

"Did you go in?" Sally asked, a worried expression on her face.

"No. It was locked, and I didn't have a set of keys at the time."

"Oh. Good."

"I was really worried, so I called Duo. He told me Wufei was okay and to forget about it, so I didn't ask around about it."

"Hum… Quatre, you understand that I can't tell you much about my other patients' conditions due to patient confidentiality, right?"

"Of course."

"Normally, I would tell you to mind your own business, but Wufei's given me permission to explain his case, if anyone specifically asks. See, Wufei… suffers from night terrors. Do you know what they are?"

"Not really."

"They're a sleeping disorder. It's like a nightmare, except not. He's in a dream world, but what he does in that world, he's doing in the real world. He's very dangerous in this stage, because his mental reality can be different from our reality."

"I don't understand."

"An example. Um… in his dream he may be trying to kill a rabid dog, but in reality he's strangling you. That's why he lives here. He used to live alone and take medication, but because of this job he needs to wake up clear-minded. If he takes the medication, he's always groggy for a while when he wakes up, so he can't take the pills anymore and without them, he's been know to hurt himself during his night terrors. Is all this clear to you?"

"I think so."

"Good. I'm going to ask that you keep this information to yourself and, if anyone asks, send him or her to Wufei or myself. It's not that I don't trust you; I just don't want you to misinform someone and rumors to spread," Sally explained and Quatre nodded as he caught sight of his watch.

"_Oh shit!_ It's past nine!"

"You sound as if you need to go, so I won't keep you," Sally laughed and Quatre jumped off the table. "Well, come visit me sometime. We can have another little chat."

"Okay," Quatre nodded, and was almost out the door when he backtracked. "Hey, Sally?"

"Yep?" Sally asked as she got up to throw a couple of papers into the shredder.

"Who's Heero?"

"Heero? Who mentioned him?"

"Duo. Sometimes I hear Duo talking to Heero. Is he a real person or is Duo just…" Quatre tapped his head twice.

"No, Heero's a real person. Duo met him when Heero saved him from an experiment. They're actually, unofficially, together. You know, they don't broadcast it but everyone knows they're dating."

"What type of experiment?" Quatre asked, not processing any of Sally's statement past that.

"Can't help you there, Quatre. It's classified and on a need-to-know basis. You've yet to have any need to know," Sally smiled, as she gently pushed Quatre out the door and on his way home.


	11. Hope

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 11?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Super long chapter. Mild cursing and crap fight scene. Not my strong suit, as you've probably realized. Official Heero dead-ness. Official appearance change for Heero. Not very important and will change. A bit of Quatre abuse and angst. Insert standard issue drunk assailant. It sucks, but we get to see avenging angels Duo and Wufei. Quatre gets better; Promise! Mild Stalker!Trowa. **Bold is Arabic**.

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. -Dante, _Inferno, II_

* * *

Quatre looked into Duo's office and frowned.

'_He's missing and I went through all the trouble of getting him a cup of coffee, too. Asshole,_' Quatre thought with a vocal laugh. Shrugging, he put Duo's coffee down on his desk and went to grab a few of the folders he'd been trying to get put away. He'd pulled out a huge stack of folders from various filling cabinets in order to fill out a couple of papers.

'_I can't believe I mixed up the order of the folders. Now I have to sort through every single one,_' Quatre sighed to himself as he carried a bunch back into Duo's office. '_The real pain is that I didn't even need half of them._'

Lazily, Quatre dropped a couple of files onto Duo's desk as he turned to put the others away. Hearing a soft thump, Quatre stiffened and turned to see Duo's coffee on its side and spilling onto another bunch of folders. Desperate to save the papers, Quatre righted the overturned cup and began padding the liquid with his handkerchief. After a few minutes, he hoped he had absorbed most of the coffee and opened the top file to see if he'd saved it.

He opened it to a picture of a man in his early twenties with short blond hair and blue eyes. He was extremely muscular and there was a long scar across his cheekbone. However, there was a coffee stain on the picture, so Quatre turned to the next page to see it the actually typing was still legible.

"Name: Heero Yuy. Hair: Blond. Eyes: Blue," Quatre read softly, before doing a double take on the man's name. "Heero Yuy?"

Skimming the rest of the document, Quatre looked for the status line, and flipped to the next page, where he found it. The line was covered with the word DECEASED stamped in bright red ink. After that the date was printed, indicating a day in early February.

"Hold on, let me get my wallet," Duo's voice called down the hallway, and Quatre looked up in a panic.

'He can't catch me here, snooping through his stuff,' Quatre mentally shouted, as he desperately looked for a means of escape. Shutting the folder, Quatre tossed the coffee cup in the trash and grabbed a file from Duo's desk for an alibi. Checking the hall, Quatre shot across the hall and managed to close his own office door just as Duo rounded the corner.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Quatre leaned against the door and bit his lip, sending up a quiet prayer that Duo wouldn't notice the coffee stain. He waited for what seemed like an eternity before Duo exited his office and left the building. Sighing with relief, Quatre slid to the floor and swore that he'd never drink coffee again in his life.

That vow lasted for two weeks, when he was invited to get an evening coffee with Wufei and Duo. Agreeing, Quatre grabbed his light jacket--it was getting a bit chilly--and his wallet, before joining Duo and Wufei outside the office building. Together they walked the four blocks to the large combination coffee shop, all-day dinner and afternoon bar.

The trio ordered their coffees and Quatre excused himself to use the bathroom. He had finished washing his hands and was turning to leave when he bumped into another man.

"Oh!" Quatre gasped, before inhaling the heavy scent of alcohol, indicating the other man was drunk. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

"Hey girly, watcha doin' in da men's room?"

"Excuse me?"

"You lookin' for some fun?" The man leered, causing Quatre to back away, affronted. Unfortunately, he bumped into another man, who was obviously friends with the first drunk. Quatre turned to apologize to the second man, but before he could open his mouth, the first man's fist connected his Quatre's head, knocking him sideways, into the sinks. "Yer so rude."

Stumbling to his feet, Quatre tried to quiet the ringing in his ears, but to no avail. The second man sneered down at him and kicked him in the knee. As Quatre bent to clutch it, the first man spun him around and blacked his eye. Falling to his hands and knees, Quatre focused on the tiles and begged them to stop spinning.

"We hate rude little upstarts," the second man, who was obviously far less drunk than the first, snapped, and kicked Quatre in the ribs.

"St-Stop," Quatre whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew he was outnumbered and overpowered, but he didn't want to be seriously injured. "**Allah! No! Stop; I'm sorry!**"

"Fucking foreigner! It's assholes like you that cause problems for the rest of us," the first man growled, kicking Quatre in the face, causing him to spit blood.

"Hey, you fuckers!" Duo's voice rang out, causing the pair to stop their assault on Quatre. "What's your problem?"

"Maxwell, I should think it would be obvious. These inbred cowards got drunk and decided to prove their masculinity by picking a fight with another man, who wouldn't even hit back because he's ten times better than them. Now gentlemen, why don't you just make this easy on us all and allow yourselves to be arrested?"

"Fuck you, pretty boy," The drunken one snapped, turning to face the two special ops employees.

"Assholes," Duo growled, cracking his knuckles.

"I couldn't agree more," Wufei smirked as he launched himself at the taller, sober man. Duo quickly disabled the drunker of the two by kicking him in the groin and breaking his nose with a swift punch. Wufei, following a more refined style, knocked the wind out of the sober man and sprained his wrist, before knocking out both men.

"Hey, dude, are you okay?" Duo asked Quatre, while Wufei pulled out his cell phone and made a call.

"Hello; Schbeiker? This is Agent Chang. We've got a pair we found assaulting another man in the bathroom. We've disabled them, could you send someone around to collect them? Let them spend the night in jail to sober them up."

"Yeah… I'm fine," Quatre mumbled as Duo helped him up.

"Injuries?" Wufei repeated, looking down at the two men. "I guess so; sure."

"You positive?" Duo asked. "Maybe you'd better see Doc."

"Don't yell at me, woman! They were resisting arrest; what could we do?"

"I'm fine," Quatre insisted, and looked over at Wufei who had hung up on Hilde.

"Right, let's go," Wufei smirked, stepping over Quatre's attackers. "Shit, Raberba! Have you seen your face?"

"It's a hell of a shiner," Duo laughed, hugging Quatre around the shoulders. "I'm so proud of you!"

"OW!" Quatre winced, clutching his side.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm… fine," Quatre whispered, looking at the floor to avoid seeing his own reflection and the look on Duo or Wufei's face. "I've got to go home. I'll stay later tomorrow."

"Dude, Quatre," Duo frowned, catching Quatre's arm as he tried to leave. "Why didn't you fight back?"

"What do I know about fighting?" Quatre shrugged, before he shrugged off Duo's hand and left. "Look, don't worry about me. I'm used to it; I can take it."

"What the hell was that?" Wufei asked, looking over his shoulder at the two incapacitated men.

"Got me," Duo shrugged, as he walked back to their table and picked up his cup of coffee. "I think we'd better mention this to Doc and Une."

"Why? I can see telling Po, but Une?"

"Man, they hired a guy who can't or won't fight back, and he gets the shit beaten out of him by a couple of bigots. There's something seriously messed up about that. They ought to know."

"Do what you want, Maxwell," Wufei sighed as he took his coffee and left the shop, passing some agents on their way in to arrest Quatre's attackers.

"Hold on, I'm coming," Quatre's soft voice answered Wufei's knock, and Wufei heard an equally soft click as Quatre unlocked the front door of his house. The door opened and Quatre peered cautiously around the door; his face was still bruised from his attack on Thursday, although not as badly, Wufei noted impersonally. "Oh! Wufei. I wasn't expecting you."

"I know. I just decided to drop by."

"Can I help you?" Quatre asked, opening his door a bit more.

"Are you busy today?"

"I don't think so…"

"Right, Come with me. It's important."

"I'll need to get dressed," Quatre frowned, motioning to his mesh shorts and large t-shirt.

"Nope. You're fine," Wufei shrugged.

"Uh, okay. Let me get my coat and shoes," Quatre replied and disappeared for a minute before rejoining Wufei. Closing his door, Quatre locked his door and pocketed his house key and wallet. "Should I drive?"

"I have my bike," Wufei shrugged, leading the way down the walk to where his motorcycle was waiting. He tossed Quatre a helmet and got on.

"I've never ridden on a… bike… before."

"Just put on the damn helmet, Raberba. Then sit on it like you would a normal bike," When Quatre had done as directed, Wufei reached behind him to slid the smaller man closer. "You'll have to be closer than that if you don't plan on falling off."

"Sorry."

"Put your feet there," Wufei continued, ignoring Quatre's apology. "Now hold on."

Quatre did as he was bid and Wufei turned the key, his bike roaring to life. Speeding out of the residential area, Wufei hit the major highways, weaving in and out of Saturday morning traffic with obvious practiced ease, though it made Quatre nervous.

They finally reached a small strip-mall and Wufei parked outside a martial arts dojo. Getting off the bike, Wufei motioned for Quatre to leave his helmet on the bike and follow him. They entered the dojo and Wufei walked over to a matted area to stretch. Quatre followed and watched, unsure what was going on.

"Take off your shoes and stretch," Wufei commanded, not even looking over his shoulder.

"Wufei, what's going on?" Quatre asked, feeling entirely out of his depths.

"Raberba, you got the shit beaten out of you two days ago. Why? Why didn't you fight back?"

"I don't know how."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"My dad… he was a pacifist. He didn't believe in violence, for any reason."

"And do you?"

"No, we always disagreed on that point. I thought that at times violence could be justified, but he had the power so no matter where I was or what I did, no one would teach me."

"No one?"

"Except Rashid, he's a friend of my… mine. He taught me a few 'moves' but… we never got very far."

"Why's that?"

"A few reasons that piled up onto each other. My dad was catching on and I didn't want get Rashid or his family in trouble; my dad carried a lot of clout. Besides, I got sent off to boarding school and it was hard to find much free time."

"So, really, you haven't a clue what you're doing?"

"Pretty much."

"Then you're dead weight. Even your pretty little brains don't help in this case and we can't be worrying about you if something happens and you're sent out with another agent. It's impractical and, most likely, either you or the other agent is going to end up dead."

"Oh," Quatre whispered, looking at the floor.

"Well, it looks like I'll have my work cut out of me," Wufei shrugged, looking over at Quatre. "Are you in shape?"

"I… I'm sorry? What did you say?"

"Everyone in any special ops unit is chosen for a reason. That doesn't necessarily mean they're strong or good with weapons when they come in. It helps, but some of us learn when we get in."

"Like Duo?"

"Maxwell? Maxwell's an entirely different kettle of fish. But if you're in a fight with him, you should just worry about yourself," Wufei snorted. "My point is that you might be here for your brains, but we'll get you in shape. Besides, you can give a weakling muscles, but it's hard to make an idiot smart."

Nodding slowly, Quatre let Wufei work him through a series of stretches and basic exercises, until he was exhausted.

"Great, now we'll work on fighting."

"I'm going to die, Wufei!" Quatre complained.

"Suck it up; you're fine," Wufei laughed, before pulling Quatre to his feet. They worked through the basic of various martial arts forms and covered the basics of a correct punch and kick, most of which Quatre remembered from Rashid. Once they had established a couple of different punches and blocks, Wufei decided it was time for practical application.

"Okay, I'm going to punch or kick at you. I want you to defend and attack me with a punch or kick of your own. Just one, and then we'll stop to fix anything that's wrong."

"O-Okay." Quatre agreed.

Wufei watched Quatre for a second before kicking Quatre's stomach, which Quatre blocked quickly, before punching at Wufei's head.

"That was okay," Wufei shrugged. "Except your return attack was weak and flailing. You could have easily lost your balance. Your block is very good, however."

"Rashid did focus on that, because of my father."

"Very well, hit me."

"What?"

"Your attacks are lacking, we'd better sort that out. Now just strike at me, until I tell you to stop. Position you feet and take your time, there's no rush."

"All right," Quatre nodded, squaring his shoulders. Suddenly striking out, Quatre hit out at Wufei a few times, each attack gaining confidence and power. His mind going back to his lessons with Rashid, Quatre suddenly brought his leg up for a roundhouse kick. Wufei had been taking his defense lightly and less diligently than usual and the kick surprised him. His block was sloppy and Quatre's kick landed a direct hit on Wufei's face.

"**Allah, Wufei! Shit, I'm so sorry!**" Quatre gasped, as Wufei clutched at the side of his face and doubled over. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"I… I'm okay." Wufei replied, taking a deep breath. "I… I wasn't really paying attention. It was my mistake. My fault."

"Do you want some ice? Let me see," Quatre demanded and Wufei jerkily removed his hand to display a bruise forming on his cheekbone. "I am so sorry."

"No… you did well."

"Should I ask for some ice?"

"No. I'll get some back at work. Let's go."

They walked out to Wufei's bike in silence and drove without a word or gesture. When they arrived at Quatre's house, he turned to look at Wufei.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. I… I just didn't want to sit around in the dojo with an ice pack. It looks weak. Do you want to try again later in the week?"

"I'm free most days before work."

"Every workday or only certain ones. Everyday is better, though."

"Every workday. That's fine."

"I'll pick you up at ten, then. I need time to return and get Maxwell."

"Fine. Uh… are you going to tell anyone about how you got your bruise?"

"It's a compliment to be able to hit me, Raberba. However, I won't mention it, if you'd prefer not. They'll most likely assume I gave it to myself."

"Thanks, but keep it a secret, okay?"

"Fine. Good day, Raberba," Wufei nodded as he revved his engine and sped off. He arrived at work in record time and was just returning from getting an ice pack, when he passed Trowa in the hall.

"Wufei."

"Do you need something?"

"I left my coat in your office. Could you unlock it?"

"Sure," Wufei agreed and led the way to the small room.

"Sally said you had taken Quatre to a dojo," Trowa mentioned, as Wufei unlocked the office door. Trowa waited for a response, but Wufei didn't offer one. "What were you doing?"

"What's it to you?" Wufei asked, turning to look at Trowa, both forgetting their original task.

"He's my partner."

"You know that bullshit's for newbies. Sure you get assigned a partner when you arrive, but you'll work with everyone until it's decided who you complement and work best with."

"He's my office partner."

"That's such a poor excuse," Wufei glared. "But if you must know, I'm teaching him martial arts. It came to my attention that he's unable to attack or defend."

"I see," Trowa nodded and Wufei opened the door to his office. He looked around, searching for Trowa's coat.

"It's not here."

"I must have been mistaken," Trowa shrugged and left, without another word.

A shadow hovered over Quatre's desk, blocking the light. When it didn't move, Quatre looked up and smiled slightly at Trowa.

"Hi."

"Are you busy?"

"Not particularly. I was planning on going home in a half hour, so I'm just wrapping up."

"Do you need to be home at any certain time?"

"Nope. Can I… help with something?"

"Come with me," Trowa shrugged and the pair went to the elevators. Trowa pressed a button and the elevator began to fall. "I hear you've been leaning martial arts from Wufei."

"Yes, about two weeks now, I suppose."

"Is he good?"

"Wufei? He's amazing!" Quatre smiled brightly. "I saw him working out with this woman once. I've never seen someone move so fast! And it's so graceful, almost like a dance!"

"What I meant was, 'is he a good teacher?'"

"Oh… uh… I guess so," Quatre laughed, scratching his chin in embarrassment. The doors of the elevator opened and Trowa led the way towards the shooting galleries. Before keying in the entrance code, Trowa grabbed two bulletproof vests and head phones and tossed one of each at Quatre before donning the others.

Quatre pulled on his own headphones and Trowa adjusted the channel, so that they could talk to each other through the headset. Once they were inside, Trowa escorted Quatre across rooms and over to the gun cabinet. Ignoring the agents that had stopped practicing to watch them, Trowa took out a handgun and put it down on the table in front of Quatre.

"Do you know what that is?"

"A gun?"

"More specific?"

"Beats me."

"It's a specially customized Colt 1911. Standard issue for all of the Special Ops Units. Do you know how it works?"

"I've never touched it."

"Okay. Watch," Trowa sighed, as he quickly disassembled it and reassembled it. "Can you copy that?"

"I think so."

"Do it."

Quatre frowned but quickly did as he was bid, eventually returning the reassembled firearm to Trowa.

"And again."

"What? But I just did it!"

"Do it three more times and I'll teach you how to clean it."

Quatre quickly took the gun apart and reassembled it, each time quicker than before.

"You're a fast learner," Trowa remarked as he went over proper maintenance with Quatre. "Everyday, take out one of the standard issue weapons. Take it apart and reassemble it three times, before cleaning it," Trowa directed Quatre, once he was satisfied with Quatre's skill. "Then practice using it. If you've got the basics of this hand gun, most others are close to its form."

"And guns like that?" Quatre asked, pointing to a rifle hanging behind Trowa.

"That's a sniper rifle. Not ideal for close combat. Once you're better with the standard issue, I'll teach you about other types of firearms."

"Really?" Quatre smiled and Trowa shrugged in response.

"I guess. Come on; now that everyone else is gone, let's see your aim."

Quatre took the Colt off the table, where he had set it down for a minute.

"Wait," Trowa sighed, reaching out to take Quatre's shoulder. "Don't carry it like that. Always carry it with two hands and point it at the floor until you're aiming. Unless you're in a hostile situation."

"Oh."

"Never mind; I'll see about teaching other tactics at the other headquarters. Right now, let's see you aim."

Quatre frowned and walked over to one of the target lanes. Taking aim, Quatre pulled the trigger and hit the very edge of the target, digging a little nick in the paper.

"Oops."

"At least you hit the target," Trowa's voice replied, his breath ghosting past Quatre's ear. "Hold it like this."

Reaching around Quatre's shoulders, Trowa adjusted Quatre's grip.

"Again." This time, Quatre's aim was better.

'_Wow, Trowa's good. I wonder… if that rumor is true,_' Quatre wondered, lowering his gun.

"What?" Trowa asked, and Quatre turned to face him. Trowa was standing right behind him, so Quatre was forced to take a step backward to look Trowa in the eye.

"You're a pretty good shot."

"A natural sniper, I suppose. So?" Trowa asked suspiciously, looking down at Quatre.

"I heard a rumor about you," Quatre finally replied and Trowa arched an eyebrow in response, before taking off his earphones and gently removing the gun from Quatre's hands. Quatre watched as Trowa replaced all their equipment and locked the gun cabinet. "Trowa, please. Tell me the truth. What happened to your partner, the one I'm replacing?"

"My former partner? Heero Yuy? I killed him," Trowa replied coldly before leaving Quatre alone in the shooting gallery.


	12. Flesh

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 12?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Evil Noin. There's no way around it. She's a bitch. But she gets some, which is more than we can say about some people. 6x9 lemon.

* * *

The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak. -New Testament, _Matthew_ 26:41

* * *

"Just follow the directions and sign the bottom when you're finished," Noin told the young man sitting across from her. As he skimmed the quasi-contract, Noin took a moment to look at him.

His brown hair was disheveled, as if he had just woken up, and it covered his eyes, which Noin suspected were blue. He was skinny in a wiry way and, despite the chilly fall air, he was only covered in a pair of shorts and a thin green t-shirt. Even his shoes were a pair of traditional and thin yellow Chuck Taylor's.

Noin smirked for a split-second when she noticed how his hands shook dangerously, probably because of withdrawal symptoms. Of course, she had picked him for all the reasons his demeanor suggested. A loner, without friends or family to miss him, he was a poor drug addict who would be willing to obey in hopes of drugs to satisfy his addiction.

Noin shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts and flipped through the previous test reports her contact had secured for her, waiting for her subject to finish. When he had finished, she took the contract from him.

"You're scared of spiders, correct?" She asked and the man--boy, really--nodded in response. Noin flipped through the rest of the contract and it appeared in order, so she reached into her pocket and tossed him a bag of powder. "As agreed, half your payment now and half when we're done."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Don't use it now," Noin commanded him. "I need you 'sober' for this deal."

Reaching into her other pocket, Noin removed a small tube of blue-green powder. Opening it, Noin pulled on a pair of sunglasses and used her shirt to cover her mouth and nose. Without warning, Noin tossed a portion of the powder at him. As the dust hit his face, the boy began to cough and rub his eyes for a moment. Then he stopped and looked up at Noin, his face blank and his eyes empty.

"How do you feel?" Noin asked.

"Floating," the boy replied his voice distant. "Not in control. Like my body and soul are separate."

"I see," Noin nodded, scribbling herself a note. "Come with me."

For the next hour, Noin ran test after test on her subject, confirming everything the creator's own reports claimed about the drug, even that a subject would do whatever they were told. Finally satisfied, Noin led her subject to a room and commanded him to run. Once he had begun, Noin left and continued with her duties as a head of Romefeller. When she returned almost twenty-two hours later, Noin found her subject finally collapsing.

"When did the drug wear off?" Noin asked the almost unconscious boy.

"What? What are you talking about?" The boy asked, looking up at her.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"You putting on a pair of sunglasses and pulling up your shirt. Then you threw something at me. Where am I?" he asked and Noin rolled him onto his back. "Is it over yet?"

"Just one more test," Noin nodded, before covering her own face and throwing more dust into his face. When he had finished coughing, she commanded him to stand and took a deep breath. "Die."

The boy stared at her blankly for a second before his head lolled backwards and he collapsed. Reaching down, Noin found the body had a pulse.

"Get up," Noin told it and the cadaver, lethargically, did as she commanded, slowly getting to its feet. Its eyes were open and they slowly tracked her finger when she told it to. It could even do the simple tasks she commanded it to do, even though it moved in no great hurry. Finally, putting down two or three bottles of water and some dry bread on a table, Noin decided it was time to leave. "If you need to, rest, sleep, and otherwise take care of yourself. The food and water is for you. I'll come to check on you in later. You are not to leave this room without my permission. Do you understand?"

"Yes," the cadaver nodded, its voice a monotone. Nodding, Noin left the room and the building heading towards her car. Once she was sitting behind the wheel, Noin put her head down of the wheel and began to laugh.

"Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YESSS!" She screamed, almost in tears. She almost couldn't believe that she finally had the power to make people do whatever she wanted, regardless of the order. "YES! I'm in-fuckin-vincible! YAHOO! Oh God!"

Excitement surrounding her in an almost tangible cloud, Noin drove home and raced inside to find Zechs sitting in front of the television.

"Noin?" Zechs asked, as she bounded into the room and shut off the television. She tossed the remote over her shoulder and pulled herself into Zechs's lap and kissed him on the lips. Falling over, Zechs and Noin fell to the floor of their living room, lips and clothes tangling around each other.

Taking control of the situation, Noin finally managed to straddle Zechs's hips. Panting softly, she looked down at him, her shirt on the TV and her bra unhooked but still on her shoulders. Zechs himself was missing his shirt and his pants were unzipped. Their lips meeting again for a kiss, Noin and Zechs let their hands continue to roam, divesting themselves of the rest of their clothes.

"This is going to be messy," Zechs finally managed, while Noin rubbed herself against his penis.

"So? I'll call someone to clean the house."

"We should move to the bedroom."

"Never stopped us before," Noin panted. Deciding enough was enough, Zechs rolled Noin onto her back and thrust into her quickly. Arching off the carpet, Noin's fingers dug into Zechs's skin, leaving light red trails in his skin. Reaching one hand up into his hair, Noin pulled Zechs's head down into a deep kiss while he continued to pump into her. "God. Don't stop!"

"No… need to… tell me," Zechs panted, before making several deep thrusts into her. Hitting her peak, Noin let out a loud scream, her back arching sharply. Zechs followed almost immediately and the pair lay on the now dirty carpet, wrapped in each other.

"That was fun," Noin smiled, looking over at Zechs.

"You certainly were happy to see me," Zechs replied, still staring at the ceiling.

"Isn't that my line?"

"Cute," Zechs smirked, before turning his head to look at her. "Want to go clean up?"


	13. Betrayed

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 13?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Minor language. Minor explosion. Rather tame actually. Underlined is a recorded message.

* * *

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover -Paul Simon

* * *

Sighing to herself, Une rolled over, trying to find Treize's body. When she found nothing, Une kept rolling, until she fell off the bed with a yelp. Rubbing the fresh bump on her head, Une untangled herself from the bed sheets and began to straighten them. She gave up eventually and threw the sheets and blankets onto the bed in a large clump. Pulling on a robe, she wandered downstairs, and as she passed through the living room, she idly put away the DVD she and Treize had watched the night before.

A quick search revealed that Treize had already gone, leaving a greasy plate in the sink as a sign he had eaten. Une looked over at the island in her kitchen where the pair ate their informal meals. Treize had left out a box of cereal, the morning newspaper and a bowl with a spoon in it. Smiling to herself, Une got out the milk and fixed herself a bowl of cereal. She was almost finished with her meal when her phone rang.

"Um," she muttered, casting about, trying to find her cell phone. Finding it buried under two layers of old magazines, Une swallowed her last mouthful and flipped open the phone. "Colonel Une."

"Chang here. Sorry it's so early."

"It's almost nine; that's not the worst. Is there a problem?"

"There's been another incident."

"Same symptoms? You're sure it's the same drugs?"

"They're Iria Winner's mind controllers. Po is certain."

"Shit. That's the fourth one in less than two weeks."

"It's becoming difficult to make sure Barton doesn't know about them."

"I'm holding you responsible that he doesn't find out."

"Wouldn't it be easier for all involved if we just told him? He's bound to find out."

"That drug made him kill Heero and then he killed their inventor of them. His history with them may make him irrational. I'd hate to have him as a security risk."

"Understood. Will you be coming in?"

"Yes, as soon as I can," Une replied and almost ended the call before thinking better of it. "Oh, and Wufei?"

"Yes?"

"Make sure you don't tell Duo or Quatre, either."

"Maxwell, I can understand. But Raberba?"

"He… He's too open," Une fumbled for a reply. "He lies poorly."

"If you feel certain. Chang out," Wufei grumbled, unhappy at not being told the truth. Without another word he hung up, leaving Une with a dial tone. Une quickly looked at the phone's date and time and cursed loudly.

'_Trowa's coming in early today to work on a report,_' Une remembered, as she quickly replaced the phone on its charger and ran upstairs to her room.

Pulling on her usual suit, Une considered putting up her hair but decided against it; it would take too long. She grabbed her car keys off the small rack by the front door and quickly locked up. She'd already started up the car when she realized she'd forgotten a folder and her phone. Deciding to leave her car running because of the early frost that was chilling the interior of her car, Une slipped out of her car and ran up her front walk.

She unlocked her front door and grabbed her coat on her way to her phone. She also spent five minutes trying to find the folder before she found it in her personal safe. Taking the folder, Une shut the safe and went back to her car. Cursing at her lateness, Une ran down her front walk and waved to her neighbor, who was just getting home from her graveyard shift at the local hospital.

"Hello, Lady," Alice Horner called, returning the wave, and Une smiled before reaching out a hand to open her car door. Her fingers hadn't even touched metal when the entire car exploded. Raising her right arm to protect her face, Une felt a bit of metal hit her forehead as the force of the bomb sent her flying through the air but she was unconscious before she hit her lawn.

* * *

Slowly opening her eyes, Une looked up at the white ceiling and frowned. She turned her head slowly and tried to focus on the machines that were next to her bed. After almost a minute of blinking and squinting, she made out enough to know the general purpose of the computers.

'_Shit. That blast must have really hit me,_' Une thought to herself as she tried to pull herself into a sitting position. Her muscles protested and her head swam along with her stomach, but she eventually managed the small act. Looking in the other direction, Une saw five groups of flowers.

Reaching out to read the tags, she found that one was from the five other special ops units, the second was from all the medical staff and the third was from her own special ops unit. There was a fourth smaller bunch that was specifically from Duo (who had also signed Heero's name to it), Quatre and Trowa. Smiling to herself, Une noticed that there was even a bouquet of flowers from Sally and Wufei, although Une noted that both signatures looked suspiciously like Sally's writing.

Sighing to herself, Une leaned her head against the wall and turned her mind to figuring out why she was in the hospital. She remembered the car bomb, but she was at a loss as to who could have set it.

'_It must have been timed to go off at a certain time. Or perhaps after my engine had been on for a certain amount of time, or reached a certain temperature? At any rate, someone tried to kill me. I know I'm not popular, but it couldn't have been just anyone. They'd have to know my car and where I lived. My schedule. Every…thing… about me. Shit. He wouldn't. Would he?_' Une wondered, as an image of Treize popped into her mind.

But the more she tried to convince herself that he wasn't the culprit, the more it made sense.

"How… How could I be so naive?" Une whispered, already fighting tears. "How could I think it would work?"

Suddenly a flash of red caught Une's eye and she found a small bunch of seven or eight roses in a beautiful pure crystal vase. Picking it up, Une eye's narrowed dangerously as she searched for the tag. She found it and opened it to read the message.

"To Lady, from her dancing partner," Une read, her mind burning with fury. "That… That Son of a BITCH!"

Screaming loudly, Une launched the flowers into the air and smiled coldly as the vase shattered into a hundred pieces against the opposite wall. Looking over at the monitors that were now beeping loudly, Une frowned, her body finally registering pain. She looked down and found that when she had thrown her flowers, her IV had come lose and so had a few sensors. She had also strained a few of her stitches and some sore areas of her body.

Sally rushed in, followed by a nurse, and Une looked over at her.

"Doc! I demand that you release me," Une snapped, already removing the rest of the wires and sensors attached to her, albeit slightly more carefully.

"Colonel Une!" Sally replied, equally angry. "I cannot do that. You must return to your bed!"

"I will do nothing of the sort!"

"Colonel! I am a doctor and you are my patient!" Sally replied, as she attempted to push Une back onto the bed.

"You're not licensed, 'Doc!'" Une spat back bitterly, causing Sally to glare down at her angrily.

"I may not be licensed but I've patched up more men than you know. I _know_ what's best for you, and you know it!"

"Be that as it may," Une replied, breathing heavily and clutching her sore ribs, "I cannot stay here."

"You are in no condition to be running around."

"Then what condition am I in?"

"Four stitches in your forehead, two in the back of your head. Minor burns on your arms and your right lower leg, as well as several bruised ribs. Besides which, you were unconscious for three days."

"THREE DAYS!"

"Yes. We've been feeding you through the IV, but you'll still be weak for a bit."

"This is bullshit!" Une grumbled, her hands beginning to braid her hair, before glaring at Sally. "I want to go to the office. Now."

"I'll have to get a wheelchair, and you'll have to follow 'the doctor's orders' for a while," Sally agreed after a moment of silence.

"What-ev-er. Now!"

"I'm going; I'm going. Demanding."

"Doc! Where are my glasses and cell phone?"

"With your stuff. It's on that chair," Sally said with a gesture, and she was gone. Slowly making her way over to the chair, Une grabbed that back to balance herself and pulled on her glasses, before flipping open her phone and dialing Treize's number, only to be redirected to his voice mail.

Hello. You've reached Treize Khushrenada. I must not be in, but leave a message and I'll return your call. Adieu.

Glaring straight ahead, Une narrowed her eyes and considered her words carefully before speaking.

"This means war, you son of a bitch, and I've only got three words for you. Bring it on."


	14. Truth

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 14?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x+9, DxRxD, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Pro-Relena chapter (but if you've gotten this far, it shouldn't be a problem); however she is a bit of a bitch. YURI lemon. A bit of sap/angst.

* * *

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. -New Testament, _John_ 8: 13

* * *

Putting one of the books she was carrying onto the top shelf, Relena flipped through one of the other volumes. When she didn't find the picture she was looking for, she replaced that book as well and moved on to the next one. That tome finally had a large picture of the Pieta. Replacing the other books, Relena retreated to the bedroom she shared with Dorothy and stretched out on the bed to study the picture of the Pieta and other sculptures.

Almost a half-hour passed before the ringing of her cell phone disturbed her. Answering it, Relena almost dropped the phone in shock when she heard Une's voice on the other end.

"Relena?"

"Une! I heard you were in hospital. I'm sorry I couldn't send you any flowers."

"Don't worry about it. I got out yesterday, in case you're interested."

"That's good to hear."

"Relena, I didn't call to update you. I need some information."

"I… I'll try," Relena agreed, her throat constricting. "What do you need?"

"Where are the heads going to be in two days? I'm going to be sending in some strike forces around nine at night."

"Two days. I… I'm not sure."

"Then tell me where they're living. Anything."

"The head of weapons and the head of drugs are living together. It's a large place to the south; 27 East Plymouth. Treize Khusrenada lives in a house in the same area as Dorothy and me. He's 54 Hannah Avenue and we're 176 New Kent. Does… Does that help?" Relena asked, staring down into her lap.

"I'll run the address through the computer."

"They aren't under the head's name. A lower associate bought the houses for them. Thomas Capper bought Dorothy's house."

"That checks out. Okay. Thanks, Relena. You've been very helpful," Une thanked Relena before terminating the conversation. Closing her phone, Relena tossed it back onto the dresser and flopped backwards onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She felt random memories and thoughts, without a common theme or connection, bounce through her mind. Her mind was just a jumbled, whirling mass, unable to think rationally.

"Relena?" Dorothy asked as she wandered into the bedroom, carrying a couple of dresses. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Relena replied. Her voice was weak and on the verge of breaking, so she turned away from Dorothy, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Babe?" Dorothy asked, lying down on the bed next to Relena. "You don't look so good. Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," Relena repeated, her voice breaking and tears beginning to well up.

"Are you crying?" Dorothy asked, and Relena shook her head, even as tears began to spill over. Getting off the bed, Dorothy knelt at Relena's side, grabbed her lover's hands and looked at her face closely. "You _are_ crying. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Stop. Just stop," Relena sniffed, trying to control her tears.

"Stop? Stop what? What am I doing?" Dorothy asked, before an idea struck her. "Is this about the customer I had over yesterday? Is that what this is about? Are you mad at me?"

"No. No, no, no," Relena choked out before beginning to cry harder.

"Relena, I don't underst-" Dorothy began but Relena leaned forward and kissed her solidly on the lips. Tumbling over backwards in shock, Dorothy landed on her back with Relena on top of her. The kiss gained passion and even though Relena did not fully stop crying, she did calm down a little. One or two tears tricked down her cheeks, but Relena ignored them as she let her fingers trail up Dorothy's legs and under her skirt. "Relena?"

"Just let me," Relena whispered, and Dorothy kissed away her lovers tears. "Just let me do this."

Without waiting for Dorothy's response, Relena knelt between Dorothy's legs, pushed aside her lover's underwear and slipped her tongue into Dorothy. Holding down Dorothy's hips, Relena licked and sucked until Dorothy came with a screaming orgasm. Dorothy looked down at her lover with hazy eyes and smiled slightly, moving to return the favor, but Relena stopped her.

"No. It's a gift," Relena sighed as she snuggled against her lover.

"But I want to," Dorothy complained, unsure why Relena wouldn't let her get her off.

"No, not tonight, Dorothy," Relena sighed, idly tracing designs on Dorothy's stomach.

"But…"

"I love you, Dorothy," Relena blurted out, closing her eyes tightly. "I'm not joking and I'm not holding anything back about this. I love you, no matter what you or I do and no matter what happens to either of us, I'm still going to love you."

"Relena? Is something wrong?"

"Sorry," Relena laughed. "I didn't mean to worry you. I just… I just wanted to tell you. Wanted you to know."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? You're acting so odd. Um, tell you what. You know that party I'm attending in two days? Why don't you come with me?"

"I already said no. I always say no."

"Are you sure? I'll make sure everyone is nice to you and if you're uncomfortable we'll leave."

"I'm positive. I have some things to do at my place that night anyway."

"I'm really serious, Relena. I want you to come to this party with me. Please? For me?"

"No. I have to do something, but… I'll make sure to wait up for you that night. I won't go to sleep without seeing you come home."


	15. Arrow

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 15?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Weird partner relationship between Quatre and Trowa plus complete and utter bullshitting on my part. I have no idea how strike teams work, how to fly a helicopter or if half this chapter could actually happen. I love AU's and artistic licensing. With them, it's my world! evil gleam in eye **Bold is Chinese.**

* * *

I breathed a song into the air. -Longfellow, _The Arrow and the Song_

* * *

"You'll be placed into groups of three along with a pilot and a medic. The medics and pilots already have your strike assignments and are on the landing pad readying the choppers. Group one, Delta Pazine, Ralph White-Smith and David Clotild, will be flying with Gus Armstrong and Dr. Cora Neji. Group two, Rachel Camp, Danielle Collins and Sam Wymptonn, will be flying with Rachel Silversmith and Dr. Rex Rocco. Group three, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba and Wufei Chang, will be flying with Duo Maxwell and Dr. Raja Javier. 

"Remember, kiddos, these are major criminals. Even if you're to take them prisoner, they don't have the same restrictions with regard to you. Be careful and don't take chances. I'd better not be seeing any body bags by the end of the day. Okay, you're all dismissed to suit up, sign out your special issue firearms, and sort out any last minute issues," Une sighed and the assembled group slowly made their way out of the room.

Wufei, who had been leaning against the wall near the door, left the room before Une had even finished her last sentence. He'd already suited up prior to the meeting, so all he had to do was zip up his bulletproof vest and pick up his weapons. Once he was done, he jogged up the stairs to the roof and wandered over to the helicopter Duo was sitting in front of.

"Wufei. Twenty minutes and thirteen seconds," Duo mumbled as Wufei approached. "Heero loses to Sally."

"Maxwell, what _are_ you mumbling about?"

"Just a bet," Duo smiled, readjusting his sunglasses. "Nothing to worry about."

"Can I see our assignment?"

"The medic's got it," Duo shrugged, jerking his thumb towards the chopper.

"Just because Heero lost to me doesn't mean you should be sullen," Sally's voice complained as she hopped out of the helicopter.

"Po! What are you doing here?"

"Raja got a bad case of cramps this morning. I guess Une missed the memo," Sally shrugged.

"She's our medic," Duo offered.

"Thank you, Maxwell; I couldn't tell," Wufei glared, his sarcasm biting. "Po, what are you thinking!"

"I'm the head medic; it's only natural that I fill in for my sick 'underling'."

"But you're not a doctor!"

"Officially. I know more about impromptu first aid and battle wounds than any of these pansy doctors."

"You're mentally unstable!"

"I had a break down once and that was almost four years ago," Sally replied, her voice icy. Turning on her heels, she turned her back on Wufei and climbed back into the helicopter. "Keep the gunplay down to minimum and I'm sure we'll all be fine."

"**Po, you can't be serious!**" Wufei shouted after her.

* * *

Being the last one to leave the room, Quatre slowly made his way to the elevator and down the hall to the armaments room. Self-consciously he tugged on his tight black pants and shirt and shifted his bulletproof vest. After he'd checked out his allotted firearms and extra clips, he quickly strapped them on and hurried to the elevator, hoping he wasn't holding up his teammates.

As he was walking down the hall that passed the shooting gallery, Quatre saw Trowa walking in the opposite direction. They passed, neither saying a word until Quatre was almost to the end of the hall. Trowa, who had stopped moving when he had passed Quatre, suddenly turned and shouted to get Quatre's attention.

"HEY!"

"Huh? What do you want?" Quatre asked, turning to face the other man.

"If you betray the rest of us when we're out there, _I'll_ hunt you down and kill you," Trowa told Quatre, his voice hard and almost emotionless. Taken aback, Quatre stared at Trowa for a second, unsure how to respond. But then, from nowhere, Quatre remembered getting coffee with Wufei once.

"_Trowa said he killed his previous partner. Um…"_

"Is it true?" Wufei asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Quatre nodded. "Yes. But it's a bit more complicated than that. In a way, it tells you a lot about Trowa. See, Heero… went crazy… during a mission. But the thing is that Trowa didn't call for back up. He followed Heero and killed him when he tried to hurt others. I guess he figured that, since they were partners, Heero was his responsibility. I doubt he would have taken out anyone of lesser importance to himself alone, regardless of the situation, since he almost went to jail for it."

Quatre frowned at the memory of his talk with Wufei, until the pieces clicked into place.

"You, too, Trowa," Quatre smiled slightly. "Don't betray us; I'd hate to have to kill you."

At first, Trowa looked a bit surprised, but finally he smiled and even laughed a little.

"I'm glad you're watching my back," Trowa admitted, before he continued down the hall, waving at Quatre over his shoulder. Quatre waited for Trowa to be out of sight before jumping for joy.

'_He's finally accepted me as his partner!_' Quatre exclaimed to himself.

* * *

"All right, everyone. Give me a headset check and we're off," Duo's voice came over the headsets of everyone in the helicopter.

"**GODDAMN!**" Wufei's voice shouted. "You turned up the volume on my set again, Maxwell!"

"I hear you," Sally's voice replied, laughing softly at Wufei.

"Roger," Trowa's unimpassioned voice sighed.

"You push both buttons?" Quatre's voice asked. "Oh, I see. Thank you, Wufei."

"Right; we're off," Duo laughed over the speaker, before starting the chopper with a roar. As the helicopter began its journey, Duo came back over the speaker system. "This is your captain speaking and thank you for flying with us today. Our destination is the dwelling of two of the heads of Romefeller, ETA thirty minutes. There will be no in-flight movie today, but I do have a great story from Lucy down at-"

"Not again!" Wufei, Trowa and Sally cut in at the same time. Quatre looked nervously at the other four before returning his gaze to the city below. He'd never flown in a chopper before, and he was a little nervous about the whole 'mission.'

Fortunately the flight was uneventful and soon Quatre received a crash course in using a rope to exit a helicopter. Trowa had shown him how it worked at the training base, but descending from a tree with a spotter was far different from getting out of a helicopter.

Once on the ground, Trowa waved Duo off, and the trio prepared to enter the house. Quatre pulled out a half page of directions and quickly disconnected the security system while Trowa and Wufei kept watch.

"Okay," Quatre nodded when he was done. "Let's go. I'll take the first floor."

"Second."

"Basement."

Entering the house, they quickly searched, but found nothing. It was as if the house had been deserted for days.

* * *

Crawling out of the escape tunnel, Zechs checked for any bystanders and stood watch while Noin hauled herself out after him. They ran though the trees, each holding their chosen weapon at the ready while hurrying to safety. Noin heard the sound of a helicopter and looked up to investigate.

"Zechs," she called, and he stopped to wait for her. Using the sight on her rifle, Noin checked out the chopper. "It's the police. Do you think it's those intruders' ride?"

"You can't be positive," Zechs shrugged, causing Noin to smile as she screwed a silencer on to her rifle.

"True, but I'm not in the mood for any law or order," she replied as she re-aimed and pulled the trigger. She watched the police chopper, but it didn't show any signs of being damaged by her shot. "Damn. I must be out of range."

"Come on, Noin. We can't wait around forever."

"Yeah. Right," Noin frowned, lowering her weapon. "Let's go."

* * *

When Duo finally picked up the three agents, they left, taking a different route over a mountainous forest region. They flew in silence, none of them speaking, too lost in thought to notice anything else.

About halfway back to headquarters, Duo hit turbulence and he struggled for control for a moment. But it soon became clear that control would be impossible. For some reason the steering wasn't responding like it should and he was having trouble making it go where he wanted it to go. The helicopter began to lose altitude and Duo couldn't bring it back up. No matter what he tried, it appeared like the altitude and steering systems were failing for no apparent reason.

'_I just checked this chopper before take off!_' Duo thought frantically as he pushed a few other buttons in desperation. '_What the FUCK is going on! No one can sabotage an aircraft mid-flight!_'

Sally looked over in concern and the other three checked their restraints again, unsure what was going on.

"Duo?"

"What's going on?"

"Pull up, Maxwell!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Duo screamed out to them as the craft began to nose dive. Fighting for control, Duo heard Quatre's scream of terror and looked up in time to see that they were going to plow into the side of a mountain. "HOLY FUC-"

And the world went black.


	16. Liar

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 16?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Some Shojo-Ai, but nothing major. Evil Noin and Zechs. Minor Relena angst and some family issues between her and Zechs. For the Relena haters, this is one of her last chapters.

* * *

A liar needs a good memory. -Quintilian, _De institutione oratoria, IV_

* * *

Treize was helping Dorothy with her jacket when Noin pushed past the security guards and approached them.

"We've got a problem," she sighed, glancing over her shoulder. "You'd better come with me."

"But I need to…" Dorothy began to protest.

"Where's Zechs?" Treize asked, cutting Dorothy off.

"He's in the car. Come on, we're double-parked," Noin replied, already leaving. Treize followed her and Dorothy did the same after a moment of hesitation. The trio got into Zechs's car and he pulled away.

"What's the big deal?" Dorothy asked, anxious to get home.

"About thirty minutes ago, a group of policemen broke into our house. We managed to escape, but we found out that your houses were targeted as well," Zechs replied, glancing at the other three in the rearview mirror.

"What? But how could they have known where we live?"

"A leak?" Treize wondered out loud. "But who?"

"Well, I called in a favor," Noin offered. "I had a… friend… search for all out-going or in-coming calls made from either your phone lines or any cell phones that had been used on your property in the last six months. Most of them were fairly normal, except for the amount of Chinese food the four of us order and one phone call. It was picked up by a cell phone on Dorothy's property and the person on the other end was calling from the Special Ops Unit."

"So you have a number?" Dorothy asked and Noin nodded.

"It's a cell phone registered to Miss Relena Darlian. Recognize the name?"

'_Oh my God._ _Relena? I mean… why? I love her! Why would she do this? No! She couldn't! Wouldn't! She loves me! She LOVES me!_' Dorothy thought, even as she began to panic slightly.

"There's got to be some mistake," Dorothy whispered, staring at her knees. "That's my… maid."

"Well, at any rate, we've got to get rid of this leak. Where is this woman now?"

"At her apartment," Dorothy whispered. "But… what if she was set up?"

"We can at least question her," Zechs replied, as he waited for Dorothy's directions.

They soon reached Relena's apartment and Dorothy used her key to let them in. Relena was sitting on her couch drinking a glass of water, apparently waiting for them.

"Hello," she smiled faintly, nodding to the group of four.

"Relena!" Zechs spluttered in shock. "But…"

"Milliardo? So this is where you went," Relena laughed bitterly. "Ironic."

"You two know each other?" Noin asked, a little surprised.

"She… was my sister. Her name is Relena Peacecraft, the daughter of Colonel Albert Peacecraft."

"Wait, if you're her brother than Peacecraft was your father as well. We can't trust you anymore!" Dorothy exclaimed, trying to divert attention from Relena.

"He'd already joined the underground and cut ties with his family when I contacted him," Treize explained.

"Besides, if I'd wanted to sell you all out, not only would I have done it a long time ago, I would have shot you all myself," Zechs frowned and Treize nodded in agreement.

"So how did she get to such a position? Wasn't there a background check of some sort?" Noin asked Dorothy, slightly angry.

"I figured Treize had cleared her; she used to work for him."

"I did a check," Treize protested as everyone, including Relena, turned to look at him. Their gazes turned doubtful and Treize gave up. "Okay, so I didn't personally, but I had my butler do one."

"Whatever," Noin grumbled, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a vile of powder. "I'm getting to the bottom of this."

Noin tossed some of the dust into Relena's face and, even though she coughed violently and tried to fan away the dust, Relena's eyes glazed over before she could fully stand and escape the dust.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Dorothy demanded, kneeling next to Relena.

"Don't worry; she's still in there. I just used this new drug, IRIA, I was given," Noin shrugged, shooting Zechs a glance out of the corner of her eye. He didn't seem outwardly concerned for his sister's welfare, so Noin relaxed. If he had protested, she knew she probably wouldn't have the heart to fight him.

"Relena, you will answer all my questions truthfully. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell the SOU where to find us?"

"No."

"Did you tell them anything?"

"Where you lived."

"Who did you tell?"

"Colonel Une," Relena replied and Treize inhaled sharply.

"Why?"

"We had a deal."

"I see. Relena, what is your last memory before you found out about Romefeller?"

"Learning that my father was assassinated."

"And you had never even heard of Romefeller before that?"

"That is correct."

"Good. I want you to forget everything from directly after you learned your father was dead to now."

"What!" Dorothy screamed and even Treize gave Noin an odd look.

"Would you prefer I kill her? I've only deleted all her memories of Romefeller," Noin shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.

"Will it work?" Zechs asked, looking at Relena, who was staring blankly at the other occupants of the room.

"I think so. When the drug wears off, I think she won't remember a thing about Romefeller or any of this. If not, well, we can always kill her."

"How long will she be like this?" Dorothy asked, her hand inching up to touch Relena's face.

"Twenty-four hours. Until then, she'll be completely compliant. Come on, Zechs. We'd better get out of here before her friends come looking for her," Noin smiled faintly, touching Zechs's arm. Zechs nodded and the couple left together without another word.

Sitting next to Relena on the couch, Dorothy pulled the younger woman onto her lap and hugged her close, occasionally stroking the other woman's hair in a soothing manner.

"Relena. I'm so sorry, Relena," Dorothy whispered. "Forgive me; forgive me."

"I forgive you," Relena replied, her voice hollow. Dorothy squeezed Relena closer but didn't respond, knowing Relena was under the control of the drugs she had been given.

"Dorothy? We really should leave. Noin might be right; the police could be coming." Treize told Dorothy from his spot across the room. He looked over his shoulder at the open door and back at Dorothy. "I'm going. There's a spot open for you in my car if you want it. You… You'll have to leave Relena here, since she's a security risk."

"No. I'll stay here. I'm not leaving Miss Relena again," Dorothy sighed, looking up at Treize, her eyes slightly red. "I really do love her and she said she loved me."

"Do you believe her?" Treize asked, interested.

"Yes."

"Goodbye, Dorothy."

"Goodbye, Treize," Dorothy replied, but he was already gone.


	17. Pain

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 17?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxR+D, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing... I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Mild medical gore with mildly made up diagnoses and first aid. If you're in trouble don't use this chapter; get a book. Hitch-hiking, violence and some language. Also a totally made up night terror episode; I'm working with a limited info base. **Bold is Chinese.**

* * *

One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish. -Shakespeare, _Romeo and Juliet, I, 2_

* * *

As she came too, all Sally could feel was pain. Her right arm and portions of her chest were flaring with sharp stabbing pain, but it was beginning to dull. Opening her eyes slowly, Sally shut them quickly and reopened them again when her stomach had settled.

She picked her head up off the small dashboard of the helicopter and, sitting up slightly to loosen her seatbelt, pulled her right arm back through the windshield it had smashed through. She managed to slip out of her seat without jostling her injured right arm or cut torso too much and stumbled away from the crash, her legs giving out beneath her every few steps. She slumped against a tree and tried to stop the world from swimming in front of her eyes.

She knew that she had to help the others but she could barely stand, so she decided to rest for a second first. She clutched her head to ward off the nausea and the headache. After a moment, her stomach rebelled forcefully enough to cause her to vomit. Wiping her face with the bottom of her shirt, she pulled herself into a standing position with the help of a tree and stumbled over to the crash to help the others and get the first aid kit, which she had accidentally left in behind in her hurry to get clear of the wreckage.

"Doc?" Trowa questioned when she stuck her head into the compartment.

"Trowa," Sally nodded, as she crawled over to him. He seemed to be the only conscious one. Quatre, who Trowa was leaning protectively against, was still out. As was Wufei and Duo, who where both slumped in their seats. Sally helped Trowa unbuckle his harness and supported him as they limped outside. "I need the first aid kit," she said. "Wait here while I get it."

Trowa nodded, reaching up to apply pressure to his bleeding brow. As he watched Sally limp away, he licked his dry lips and winced as his tongue encountered blood that was streaming from the cut on his forehead. He spat it out and raised his free hand to wipe his face. He leaned his head against the tree and stared at the surrounding forest for about ten minutes as he waited for Sally to return. She finally came back and set about helping him.

"Were you unconscious?"

"I think so," Trowa replied, wincing as she cleaned his head wound.

"Do you know who you are?"

"Trowa Barton, SOU agent."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"We crashed."

"Okay; good," Sally smiled slightly as she finished applying the bandages. "Do you hurt anywhere else?"

"My wrist," Trowa replied, offering her his right hand.

"It looks a little swollen. Does it feel broken?" Sally asked and Trowa responded with a negative. "Then it's probably a sprain."

Sally slipped on a compress bandage quickly and showed Trowa how to keep it elevated. Shaking out a few tablets, Sally gave him the painkillers and waited for him to swallow them all.

"Just keep your wrist elevated and we'll get you something cold for it when we get back to HQ. Try not to move too much if you're filling dizzy. Hopefully you should get your sense of balance back soon enough but just wait for it. I'm going to help the others, but shout if you start to feel worse, or if you think you're going to pass out. Understand?"

"Do you need help?" Trowa offered and Sally shook her head after a second of thought.

"They aren't too heavy, and your wrist is messed up. You shouldn't use it. Besides, I'm the only one with decent medical training. You just stay here and rest. Okay?"

"Got it," Trowa nodded and Sally hauled herself into a standing position, just as Wufei's scream broke the eerie silence of the forest. Hurrying as fast as she could over to the wreck, Sally looked inside to see Wufei struggling against his harness in a desperate attempt to free himself. His eyes were widen open and panicked as he stared at an invisible foe.

"Wufei!" Sally screamed at him, not wanting to get too close in case he lashed out. "WUFEI!"

**"LET ME GO! GODDAMN IT!"** Wufei screamed back at her. Sally saw Trowa getting to his feet out of the corner of her eye and motioned him to stay where he was. Biting her lip, she crawled into the helicopter and grabbed his right wrist when he tried to hit her.

"Wufei, it's me! It's me, Sally!"

**"NO!"**

**"Wake up!"** Sally shook him roughly, though she was careful not to shake him hard enough to hurt his head or neck. **"Wake up!"**

Blinking twice, Wufei stopped in mid-scream and stared at her.

"Po?"

"Yes. Do you remember who _you_ are?"

"Chang Wufei."

"And where are we?"

"The helicopter. Did we crash?"

"Yes. How do you feel?"

"My head hurts a little but I think it's just a bump."

"Your shirt looks a little cut up."

"Just some scratches on my arms."

"Let me see," Sally sighed as she inspected the wounds. His arms were beginning to bruise a little and he had been cut a few times from the flying glass. Fortunately, his body armor had protected most of his torso and the glass that had cut his arms had passed though leaving shallow but long scratches in his arms. After helping him out of the wreck, she wrapped some gauze around the cuts and pronounced him fit. Between the pair of them, they managed to pull Quatre out of the wreckage without bumping his broken leg too much.

In a rather selfish way, Sally was thankful that Quatre remained unconscious for the whole procedure. She had taken a few painkillers when she'd fixed herself up and, after the few she'd given Trowa, there were only two doses left. She was sure that by the time the whole group was ready to get moving, she'd need another dose and, if Quatre woke up, she knew that she would end up giving him the last of the painkillers.

Rubbing her eyes, Sally checked Quatre's pulse one more time before hauling herself to her feet and motioning Wufei to follow her. They still needed to get Duo out of the pilot's seat.

"Go around to the other side and I'll crawl through. It'll be easier to carry him around than to try and drag him through," Sally decided, looking over her shoulder at Wufei and he nodded, rubbing his arms absently. Turning back to the crash, Sally blinked in surprise as Duo pulled himself out of the wreckage.

"Oh! Duo, you're conscious!" Sally smiled, glad that she didn't have to tend to another fully lifeless patient.

Duo turned to look at Sally and she took an involuntary step backwards, accidentally putting all her weight onto her bad ankle and almost bumping into Wufei. His eyes were bright purple but, at the same time, vacant. He looked from Sally to Wufei and back at Trowa, who was getting to his feet, but he didn't show any signs of recognition. Raising her hands slightly to show she was unarmed, Sally moved backwards, causing Duo's attention to snap back to her. When she didn't move, his eyes drifted a bit to the left and they suddenly returned to their normal dark purple color.

"Heero. Wait. Huh? How did I get out here? All I remember is crashing into the forest," Duo mumbled to himself, before turning around and seeing the crash. "OH FUCK! Une's going to have my head!"

"Duo? How are you feeling?" Sally asked, slowly approaching the young man.

"Huh? Oh, Doc. Okay I guess. My face is a little sore, but okay I guess."

"You do have a serious shiner," Sally admitted. "Your face is going to be black and blue for weeks."

"Bleh," Duo frowned. "I really wrecked the helicopter, didn't I? Are you guys okay?"

"Quatre seems to be the worst off," Sally sighed, jerking her thumb towards the still comatose man. "We're all lucky to be alive, really."

"I still don't get it. Why did I crash?" Duo asked no one in particular, before turning to shout over his shoulder. "HEY! No one asked you!"

"Maxwell, stop fighting with Yuy!" Wufei snapped, growing irritated. "We can't stay here forever."

"Can you fly the helicopter?" Trowa asked, approaching the small circle of people. They all stared at him blankly. "Just curious."

"Well... it _is_ an idea," Duo mumbled, seemingly to no one. "But I can't fly that heap of junk as it is now, at any rate. Can you fix it?"

"Not without parts."

"Then Heero's right," Duo pouted. "It looks like we'll have to walk. It's only about fifteen minutes to the closest road that leads to HQ. We can probably get a lift somewhere along there."

"Hitch-hike?" Wufei asked, looking a little dubious.

"We look like crap, Duo. No one would pick us up."

"Hey! I didn't say it was my idea! Yell at Heero. I happen to agree of course. We can't wait here forever, so we'll have to walk part of the way, if not all."

"But what about Quatre?" Sally added, biting her lip absently. "He's unconscious and his leg is broken. Can we move him in the state we're in?"

"If you don't want to move him, then maybe someone could wait here with him? The rest of us could go get help," Wufei suggested.

"No. He needs help as soon as possible. And I certainly don't want to leave him here. It's going to get dark and cold soon. That's unacceptable."

"I could carry him," Trowa offered. "I'm feeling more stable and he's short; I'll bet he doesn't weigh much. If you make some sort of impromptu cast and we use some of those blankets to tie him to my back, I think I could manage it without jostling him too badly."

"It's an idea," Duo shrugged and everyone looked at Sally.

"Well, I suppose it beats the other options," Sally sighed. "Duo, get the food and water supplies from the crash. Pack them into a backpack and then bring it out with the blankets. Pack up the weapons and any confidential files in another pack, too. We don't want anyone stumbling onto our crash and finding something they shouldn't. Wufei, Trowa, come on. You'll have to help me with Quatre's leg."

Halfway through the process of having his leg set, Quatre woke up and Sally had Trowa give him the second-to-last dose of the painkillers. When they were finished with the crude cast, Wufei helped Trowa lift Quatre and the group was ready to go. Duo and Wufei both took a backpack and Duo took the lead.

The rest of them followed, Trowa (and Quatre) following practically on Duo's heals. Wufei had taken out a weapon and fell back to bring up the end, but Sally kept lagging behind.

"Po!" Wufei finally snapped at her, aggravated at having to wait for her. "Is something wrong with you!"

"I'm fine," Sally snapped back, breathing heavily. She bit her lip to fight the urge to vomit and took another couple steps forward.

"We're here," Duo called back at the arguing pair and the group found themselves at the edge of a road way. "Come on."

"How far is it to HQ?" Sally asked, wiping her forehead, handing the last of the painkillers to Quatre, who was starting to feel his broken leg again.

"Depends. Might be a half hour."

"It would be faster if some weakling would stop holding us up," Wufei muttered.

"I'm so remembering this... next time... you want... a band-aid," Sally ground out as she forced herself to keep going.

About five minutes later, a police car pulled over and offered the group a ride, which they accepted, even though they had to break a few traffic laws to squeeze the entire group into the small car. They soon arrived at the main building and sent the officer on his way with their thanks before dragging themselves inside.

"Finally!" Hilde exclaimed when she saw them. "Une wants to see you all to report as soon as you arrive-oh _shit_. Are you guys okay?"

"Trowa and Quatre... are the worst," Sally spoke up, leaning against a wall. "The rest are fine... sort of."

"Well, you'd better go up and see her," Hilde sighed. "She's spitting mad about this whole thing!"

"Go on, you lot. Une will bring down the building with her bare hands if you keep her waiting too long," Sally agreed with Hilde. "But Trowa and Quatre should go to the hospital as soon as that meeting is done. I suppose, another hour won't... be so bad. Come by my office if you want some painkillers before you go."

The four agents grumbled slightly but went to the lift and quickly got one to the seventh floor. Once the door had closed, blocking off the elevator, Sally felt her eyes drift closed and she tumbled backwards to the floor, oblivious to Hilde's cries.


	18. Faithful

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 18?

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Pissed/defensive Dorothy (guess that means she's a bit OOC). Shocked Trowa and Panicked…. pretty much everybody else. Crap fight scene, but what do you expect from me? Official Heero looking like himself; a wife-beater is an undershirt, but I think it might just be an Ocean City name for it. Some references to stuff explained in the Prologue for Heero and Duo; if you're confused, reading that should help. **Bold is Chinese.**

* * *

I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! In my fashion… -Ernest Dowson, _Non Sum Qualis_

* * *

"That's it?" Une asked when the group had finished telling what had happened to them. "You didn't see either of them?"

"Not a sign."

"God… DAMNIT!" Une screamed, smacking her head against the table. "How could they have known! How! I can see one person… maybe they went out for milk… but all four of them!"

"Uh…" Duo muttered, as everyone slid away from the table. "Colonel?"

"This can't be real," Une sighed, her shoulders sagging. Without responding to Duo or even lifting her head off the table, Une simply dragged the conference phone over to herself, hit the speakerphone button and dialed a number. The phone rang three or four times before it was picked up.

"Yes?" A woman on the other end snapped, loud enough to make everyone wince.

"Who is this?"

"Relena, who is this?" The woman asked someone on her end of the line and they heard another woman, Relena, tell the original speaker that it was Lady Une. "Une? Une, you stupid bitch! Relena does not work for you anymore, do you understand! You stay away from my Miss Relena or I, Dorothy Catalonia, will personally see you die!"

"What? How… How did you know she works for me?" Une asked, finally lifting her head off the table.

"How did I know! _How did I know!_ Relena fucking told me."

"What happened? Is Relena okay?" Une asked, feeling concerned for the health of her 'employee.'

"She's only messed up in the head, no thanks to you. That bitch Noin used her mind drug IRIA on Relena and she'll be a mindless puppet until tomorrow," Dorothy's voice told them and Trowa jumped out of his seat in surprise.

"It wears off?" Une asked, motioning for Trowa to sit down.

"It only lasts for a day. Look," Dorothy muttered, lowering her voice a notch, "If you lot are interested, I know where the other heads have gone."

"And you'll tell us? How do we know it isn't a trap?" Une asked, a little wary.

"You don't, but I'm not feeling too friendly towards any of them, so my word is pretty much in your favor. At any rate, I'll say and it's your business in the end. The bitch and her man went to their safe house; it's a warehouse down by the river. It's huge, but it's all theirs, so you can't accidentally find yourself in someone else's stuff. Treize went into hiding and I'm a little foggy on what that means, so you're on your own. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm busy."

And Dorothy hung up.

Wufei, Duo and Une stared at each other in shock, while Trowa look intently at the floor and Quatre looked intently at him. Without a word to anyone else, Wufei and Duo got up from the table, grabbed the armaments bag and left the room. Grabbing her coat and keys, Une also hurried out of the room, leaving Trowa and Quatre alone.

Une caught up with Duo and Wufei as they ran down the stairs to the parking garage.

"I want you both to know that you don't have to go. We don't know how reliable our source is, and this might be a trap. Either way, play it safe. I'm not attending your funeral if you die out there." She paused. "With that said, Treize is mine," she added as she slipped on her glasses and pulled her hair up into two braided buns.

"Fine by me, I'm going after my original assignment," Wufei informed Duo and Une as they jogged down the stairs to the parking garage.

"I'm with Wufei," Duo snorted, flipping his braid over his shoulder. "Heero isn't interested in Treize. He wants to know more about this mind drug."

Shoving open the door, the trio hurriedly split up, Une heading towards Sally's car while Wufei and Duo went for Wufei's bike.

"I've only got room for one; Heero's going to have to get his own ride," Wufei replied as he got on his bike and Duo hopped on the back.

"Just worry about driving."

"Don't get in my way and don't complain," Wufei warned Duo as he revved the engine up and walked the bike around. Once he was facing the exit, he let the engine come to a full roar and sped out of the parking garage without a care for the speed limit.

"You drive like an old woman."

"About your sister…"

"What about her?"

"Are you freaked out or anything? I mean, she is gay."

"I can't say it really bothers me."

"Really?"

"Of course. To be honest, it answers more questions than it doesn't."

"I… see," Noin nodded, even though she was still confused.

"HEY!" Duo shouted, as he threw open he doors and entered the warehouse, surprising Zechs and Noin. Wufei followed a few steps behind Duo, and quickly sized up the two heads. There was a minute of tense silence as the pairs looked at each other, all of them nervous, waiting for someone else to make a move.

Zechs drew first, pulling Noin's gun from the waistband of her pants. He fired two shots at Wufei and Duo before pushing Noin to the ground, so he was between her and the two agents. Wufei dodged to the left, while Duo hit the ground, covering his head in fear.

"What are you waiting for?" Zechs asked as he fired another round at Wufei. "Get going!"

As Wufei turned to launch his body at Zechs, Noin was scrambling to her feet and running for the back exit. Lifting his head, Duo's eyes lit up a bright purple and he used his strengthened arms and legs to propel himself at Zechs. Startled by Duo's attack, Wufei slowed and changed direction to take care of Noin.

'_Either Duo went to the Shinigami program, or he's just crazy,_' Wufei decided as he threw himself across the floor to avoid another bullet. '_Either way, he's got Zechs all to himself._'

Wufei got to his feet and reached out for Noin's fleeing figure, just as Duo slammed his elbow into Zechs's gut. The taller man let out an audible grunt that echoed through the large room and Noin turned to look back. Taking his chance, Wufei reached out and clotheslined the woman, knocking her against a wall; she slid to the floor unconscious.

Leaning against the wall so he could watch the fight and Noin at the same time, Wufei winced as Duo kicked Zechs in the chest and then snapped his foot to clip the other man's chin. Zechs seemed to be taking the beating well and even managed to land a few hits of his own, but Duo's Shinigami program allowed Duo to do more damage and feel less pain. Zechs finally took one hit too many and fell to the ground, blood marring his face, but Duo wasn't finished. Grabbing Zechs's collar, Duo punched the man repeatedly, without stopping.

'_God,_' Wufei suddenly realized with a start. '_Duo's going to kill him!_'

He pushed himself off the wall, then took a hesitant step forward. He was torn between calling out for Duo to stop and fear for his own safety. Biting his lip nervously, Wufei took a more confident step forward and braced himself.

"DUO! Stop right now or you'll kill him!" Wufei called, and Duo stopped hitting Zechs, his attention immediately shifted to Wufei. Wufei slid his feet into a fighting stance and waited for Duo to come at him, but before Duo could move a door opened and the pair turned to see the intruder.

It was a man with brown untidy hair that covered his deep blue eyes. His lanky, skinny body was covered in a thin green wife-beater and a pair of spandex shorts. He walked through the door, his ugly yellow vintage Chuck Taylor's slapping against the cold floor with each step.

"Hn," the man snorted, as he looked around the room. "I guess I came too late to be much help."

"Get the hell out of here, **you fucking idiot**!" Wufei shouted, inching towards Duo. He wished the civilian would just run and get out of the way.

"Huh? Oh," the man nodded knowingly as he looked over at Duo. He turned and began to slowly walk towards Duo, whose eyes were beginning to darken down to their normal color. "Hello, Duo. I know I look a little different and I know you're going to think I'm on drugs but I'm Heero."

"What?" Wufei frowned and Duo took a step backwards.

'_Why do I have to deal with two psychos at once?_' Wufei whined to himself. '_Why? Why me?'_

"There was a body here with no spirit and I filled it. I suppose if the body dies and the spirit remains, then the spirit can die and the body will remain," the man shrugged, locking eyes with Duo. "Who else knows about your nightmares of my death? Does anyone else know about how we met in a warehouse in New York City? Or how about that you like to watch early morning cartoons and eat strawberry ice cream? We first had sex on your eighteenth birthday?"

"I'm sorry, that was a bit too much information," Wufei muttered, not taking his eyes off the pair. Duo's eyes had returned to their normal color during Heero's monologue, and he was looking curiously at his lover.

"Heero?" Duo wondered, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"You believe me?"

"Well, of course; you _were _right about all those things. Besides, your eyes are the same."


	19. Sorrow

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 19/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Short! MASSIVELY SHORT! A bit of Shonen-Ai (3+4). A bit of language and Stalker!Trowa lifts his head out of the water for a brief glimpse of daylight.

* * *

Heavy the sorrow that bows the head/ when love is alive and hope is dead. -W. S. Gilbert, _H.M.S. Pinafore_

* * *

They sat in silence, without moving. Quatre watched Trowa and Trowa watched his knees.

"Trowa?" Quatre asked softly, not wanting to startle the other boy. But Trowa didn't move. Quatre waited five minutes, counting the three hundred soft ticks made by the second hand of the clock on the wall, before trying again. "Trowa?"

Trowa still didn't respond, so Quatre reached out to touch Trowa's shoulder. Trowa jumped slightly and turned to look at his partner.

"Oh."

"Are you okay? You seemed almost catatonic for a minute."

"Sorry."

"Are you okay?"

"I… I'm not sure," Trowa whispered and Quatre sat back in his chair, ready to listen. "I… I killed him. But it was always… okay… at some level… because it was what I had to do."

"And now that isn't true?"

"And now I was wrong," Trowa continued, not listening to Quatre. "He would have gone back to normal. All I had to do was injure him, not kill him. I... murdered my partner. That… that BITCH!"

"Trowa?" Quatre gasped, startled by his partner's sudden outburst.

"THAT BITCH PLAYED US! Against each other! And… and now I'm wrong for killing her, because I just assumed. JESUS CHRIST! And all that work! To be what? A murderer twice over?" Trowa sighed, burying his face in his hands.

"Trowa… I'm sorry."

"For what?" Trowa asked, his voice sharp and clipped.

"I'm not sure," Quatre replied slowly. "There are a lot of things I could mean. I could mean 'Sorry about Heero,' or I could mean 'Sorry about what's happening to you.' I could mean 'Sorry for lying to you.' But I think I really mean that I'm sorry for what my sister did to you."

"Your… what?"

"My sister. Iria Winner. My name isn't Quatre Raberba; it's Quatre Raberba Winner. Fuck… I'm just… sorry. It's just that I came here to make up for what my sister did. Une and I decided that it would be best for us to just keep it a secret, that we were related."

"You lied to me?"

"Not just you! I lied to everyone! And Une lied to you, too! Please don't be mad at me. I… I just… Look, we're both screw ups. I'm a liar with a messed up family and you… What I'm trying to say is that you did what you thought was right, Trowa. You wanted to save other people. Besides… I guess it's not what past you have; it's what you do with it that really matters. Right?" Quatre finished with a nervous smile. Trowa looked at him without saying anything until Quatre started to grow nervous. "Trowa? Come on, Trowa."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"What?"

"That you're sitting alone, in a room with a murderer?"

"You didn't want to, Trowa. It isn't like you're happy with yourself," Quatre forced a slight smile. They sat in silence for a second before Trowa leaned over, cupped Quatre's face and kissed him on the lips.

"Do you want to see a movie together?" Trowa asked, pulling away.

"What?" Quatre sputtered, completely shocked. _Where the hell did that come from?_

"I think… I think I'm in love with you. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"Well… actually… not really, but… people don't fall in love with each other so quickly."

"It's not 'so quickly.' I… I've been interested in you since we first saw each other. Ever since I got revenge on… your sister–crap, that sounds bad—I've been aimless and nothing really interested me. It was just routine. And then you came.

"You were good looking, smart, kind, patient, new and interesting. I liked it when you smiled and when you laughed. I… got a little jealous when you spent so much time with Wufei and I wanted to make sure you could defend yourself when I heard about those men who attacked you," Trowa told Quatre, refusing to meet the other man's eyes. "But you were just so intriguing. You were obviously hiding something and I wanted to know what… but half-way there… I really started to like you. I sound like a stalker… don't I?"

"A little," Quatre laughed, before reaching out and pulling Trowa a bit closer. Their lips met in a brief soft kiss, before meeting again for a longer kiss. Trowa pressed Quatre's back and their kiss deepened until Quatre stiffened a bit in pain.

"What's wrong?" Trowa asked, worried.

"My leg. The painkillers are wearing off."


	20. Forget

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 20/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2+1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Language. Violence. 13x11 twisted relationship… again. 13x11 (HET) lime!

* * *

You've forgotten my kisses and I've forgotten your name. -Swinburne, _An_ _Interlude_

* * *

Une hesitated for a moment before turning off her car and dashing into her house. She didn't plan on staying too long, but it wasn't her car and she didn't want someone to steal it. At best, it would be inconvenient; at worst, she'd have to tell Sally she borrowed her car… and Sally would kill her. Unlocking her front door, Une turned the corner to enter her living room and stopped short. Treize was sitting on her couch, evidently waiting for her.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Waiting for you," Treize replied, getting to his feet. He reached out his hand to take hers but she jerked back, almost violently.

"How dare you? HOW DARE YOU! You try to kill me and then when it looks like you might lose, you try to hide in our relationship!"

"I am not! I'm not hiding from anything, and I did not try to kill you, Lady. I was very upset to hear about your accident! Didn't I show that I was worried about you?" Treize asked, his face desperate.

"How utterly childish of you! To pretend to feel something you clearly don't in order to escape punishment! Do you always apologize on the outside and rejoice on the inside? Well, I'm keeping business and pleasure separate, asshole, and that means you're under arrest, Mr. Khushrenada."

"Very well, Colonel Une, if that's how you feel," Treize frowned slightly. They cautiously sized each other up, each waiting for the other to move, until Une darted towards the desk where she kept her firearm.

Treize rushed forward and meet her halfway, blocking her way. Punching strongly at Treize's face and torso, Une tried to land a hit, but Treize constantly blocked her, and managed to duck or otherwise avoid her kicks. He threw a few return punches at her as well, but she also managed to ward them off. They continued to fight, evenly matched, and unable to land a single hit. Une tried a roundhouse kick, which Treize blocked and captured her return punch.

"So slow, Lady," Treize smiled normally, as if he was unaffected by the fight. Glaring at him, Une pulled her arm back and, took him along with it, as if to elbow him in the stomach. He managed to avoid the hit, but she flipped him into a wall and dove for her gun.

Pulling it out, she flipped the safety off and took aim. Treize, who had just been about to get to his feet, froze and they looked at each other. Both of them remained perfectly still; Une not wanting to shoot Treize and Treize not wanting to provoke Une. For minutes, only the sound of their harsh breathing filled the room. Finally, Une moved but only to lower her gun. She walked over to the sofa, flipped on the safety and sat down heavily, the gun resting on her lap.

"I guess I was wrong. I can't keep business separate from pleasure, either. You can go. I won't tell anyone you were here."

"What are you going to do?" Treize asked, getting to his feet. He didn't leave, but instead sat on the opposite side of the couch, watching her.

"Well, I think it's been pretty much been proved that this isn't working. We can't fight each other for a living if we want a relationship. And I want one, so… I'll resign. Even if you don't want me any more, I can't go back to work knowing that I'm not going to try and stop you anymore."

"That's not a good idea," Treize decided finally. "You're the only one of us with a legal, stable job. Not to mention, you're the best person for the job. I know at least four people who would love my job."

"What?" Une asked in confusion and Treize leaned over to kiss her.

"I didn't blow up your car," Treize sighed when Une broke the kiss. "I would never want to hurt you; I love you. You do believe me, right?"

"I… Yes. I trust you," Une nodded, before their lips meet again. Falling back on the couch, hands struggled with clothing, trying to touch as much skin as possible. The coupling was quick and rapid, leaving both of them breathless and satisfied.

"What are we going to do now?" Une asked, as they lay in each others arms, enjoying the afterglow.

"I have a summerhouse in Luxembourg."


	21. Marriage II

Title: One Word Joke 

Chapter: 21/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2x1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: A little language. 5+S and 6+9 moments. A bit sappy.

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For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. -Book of Common Prayer

---

Wufei let out a bored sigh as he stood in the doorway of the hospital room and watched the unconscious man and the woman who was falling asleep at his side. A flash of white caught Wufei's eye and he turned to see his relief, who flashed her ID badge by way of greeting. Wufei nodded in return and the woman took over, guarding Zechs and Noin.

Pulling his cell phone out of his jacket pocket, Wufei stepped a few feet away from the hospital room while searching for a number in his digital phone book. He dialed the number and waited impatiently for the other side to pick up; however, the phone rang almost ten times before Wufei gave up and disconnected the call. He dialed another number, this time from memory, and again no one picked up.

"Damn," Wufei muttered, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He looked over at the agent and returned to the doorway. "Po isn't picking up her desk phone or her cell, so I'm going to the offices to pick her up. Will you be okay by yourself? Or should I call for another agent?"

"I'll be fine… but… Doc's already here."

"She is?"

"Yeah, in room 462, one flight up. I thought you'd be the first to know."

"Thank you," Wufei replied, ignoring the last comment. He turned to go down to the end of the hall to wait for the elevator, but decided it would be lazy of him, so instead he jogged up the stairs to the fourth floor. Finally locating room 462, he checked the nameplate but it was blank.

'_The patient was too new to have received one yet. I wonder who it is._' Wufei shrugged, before knocking on the door and walking in. He looked around for Sally, but the only person he saw was one of the hospital nurses, who was checking a few charts. '_Did she go for coffee? If she took the elevator down, I might have missed her._'

Sighing at the injustice of having to go down to the basement, Wufei was about to go, when his curiosity got the better of him. He took a few steps into the room to see who Sally's patient was, and froze, the blood draining from his face.

Sally was lying on the bed, her face slack in sleep, with her hair slightly disheveled and coming out of the neat braids she usually kept it in. Her complexion was slightly paler than usual and she was hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV. Wufei noticed that there were also supplies for a blood transfusion that had possibly already taken place.

"Oh," the nurse gasped, as she turned to see Wufei staring in shock at Sally. "Who are you?"

"Agent Wufei Chang. I'm a… co-worker of hers."

"Ah. Did you come to visit? That's very nice of you," the nurse smiled, and Wufei flushed slightly.

"What's wrong with her? Is she going to be okay?"

"Oh, she's just sleeping. She may have had a slight concussion, so we're going to take some scans in a bit, but her other injuries were some fairly serious cuts in her arms and chest and a twisted ankle that she must have strained further by walking on it. She lost a lot of blood from the cuts, and they were deep enough to need stitches, but she should be better soon, especially with the blood transfusion we gave her."

"I see. Can I sit with her? Just for a little bit."

"All right, but she's tired so, if she wakes up, don't stay too long or stress her out."

"I won't," Wufei nodded, as he sat down by Sally's bed. The nurse left after a minute and shut the door behind her. After watching Sally for a moment, Wufei reached over to the land-line phone next to Sally's bed and dialed Une's number, who picked it up on the second ring.

"Colonel Une."

"Chang here. Are you busy?"

"Is this important?"

"Hn. I just called to report," Wufei explained and Une covered up the mouthpiece to talk with someone else.

"Go ahead," Une sighed, after a minute.

"Maxwell and I found the two heads in the warehouse the informant told us about. She was good on the intelligence. There was a mild scuffle, but neither Maxwell nor I were injured. I took the two heads to the hospital to be checked out and Maxwell took Yuy to their place."

"Yuy? As in a physical person?"

"Yes… I think. Anyway, it's way too long of a story," Wufei sighed. "You have to see it to believe it."

"How are the heads?"

"The man got beaten pretty soundly; almost lost him for a bit, but the woman only has a bump on her head. We weren't out of the lines of protocol… for the most part. Nothing that will get us into trouble or hinder the case, at any rate."

"Good. Have the report to me ASAP. Une out," Une snapped and Wufei was confronted with a dial tone. Wufei hung up his end and looked down at Sally, who was looking back at him.

"How long have you been awake?" Wufei asked.

"Since you came in the room. I was just resting my eyes."

"I see."

"Do you think this Yuy is really Heero?"

"Yes. I know that sounds crazy, but I really do. You have to see this guy to understand, but it's him. Even Maxwell thinks so. I know that might just seem like blind hope or delusion on his part but Maxwell _knows_ Yuy."

"I suppose. Um… Wufei?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For being so weak. I held you all up when we were returning."

"No. I was wrong to yell at you. If I had only known you were so beat up… why didn't you say anything? Shut me up? I was wrong to be angry at you. I shouldn't have kept pushing you if you were injured."

"What could you have done? You and Duo had supplies to carry, and Quatre needed more help than I did. My first duty is to my patients. That's you guys. The situation dictated that I take care of it myself as best I could."

"You're so stupid! You almost died and you're worried about Quatre's broken leg! We could have at least stitched you up!"

"Too much time. You needed to get back. Besides, I didn't want to risk getting my cuts dirty if I could get to a hospital first."

"You are the stupidest woman I have ever known. And, at exactly the same time, the strongest."

"Thank you… I think. You've changed."

"Huh?"

"Since I first meet you, I mean. You've grown up, from that frightened boy scrambling through wreckage."

"Po… I… Hum, this is harder than I thought."

"What is it?"

"I… know we've only been working together for maybe two years, but I respect you. And I wanted to know if… you'd be willing to forget the boy, digging through rubble, looking for his wife. Are you willing to look at me as the man I am now?"

"What are you saying?" Sally asked, a confused smile on her face.

"Why is this so hard? I like you, woman! Do I have a chance with you or not!" Wufei finally managed, frowning angrily. Sally bit down on a laugh and pulled herself up to kiss him on the mouth.

"I've been looking at you as the man you are for the past year, Wufei. What took _you_ so long?"

---

Zechs woke up. He didn't move or open his eyes like he usually did in the morning. Instead, he lay in his bed, looking at the back of his eye lids, wondering where the hell he was and why he felt like an eighteen-wheeler had parked on top of him. Finally getting bored with the view, he cracked one eye open and then the other one.

He turned his head to the right and looked at the computers and other hospital equipment, which explained where he was and why he felt so terrible. Slowly turning his head the other way, Zechs looked over and saw Noin had fallen asleep, her body twisted in her chair and her head lying on his bed.

He moved his left hand and nudged her a bit, causing her to open her eyes and look at him sleepily. She smiled and leaned over to give him a kiss on the lips, which he tried to return, but she pulled away.

"I'm glad you're awake," she smiled, looking at her lap, where her arms were buried. "I'm sorry."

"I don't understand."

"I wasn't much help today, was I? I was just there while you got the living shit beaten out of you. It's just that… fighting was never my forte."

"It's okay. You make up for it with your brains."

"Thanks."

"How bad am I?"

"Pretty bad, actually. You had some internal damage and a few fractures. I… they almost lost you," Noin whispered.

"Was it really that close?"

"It was really that close."

"I love you," Zechs confessed after a minute of silence. "Marry me?"

"What? Are you serious?" Noin asked, her eyes nearly bulging out of her head in shock.

"Of course, I am."

"YES!" Noin squealed, bouncing out of her seat for a second to kiss Zechs full on the lips. Repeatedly. "YES, Yes, Yes!"

"I… I had… a ring," Zechs finally managed to get out between kisses. "In my pant pocket."

"Your stuff's over there," Noin smiled, nodding to a chair on the other side of the bed. Zechs leaned over and grabbed a small ring box out of his pocket and opened it for Noin to see the beautiful diamond ring. As Noin held up her left hand so he could slip on the ring, Zechs saw the silver handcuffs that adorned her wrists. "What are those?"

"Ah… about that…" Noin began, flushing deeply. She looked at him guiltily, before dropping her hands back into her lap and staring at them. There was a knock at the door, and Zechs looked up to see Wufei standing in the open doorway, knocking on the doorframe.

"Visiting hours are over, Ms. Noin," Wufei reported. "Please finish up and we'll be off."

"We… lost, Zechs. I was unconscious and you were beaten. I'm grateful they took you to hospital," Noin mumbled. "I agreed to go quietly to jail until a judge can be found to assign bail and a court date, if they'd let me wait for you to wake up."

"I… I see," Zechs whispered, looking from Wufei to Noin. "Give me your left hand."

Noin looked at him in surprise, but held up her left hand and he slipped on the engagement ring.

"As soon as you're out on bail and I'm out of this place, we'll be married. I promise."


	22. Hope II

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 22/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2x1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: 2x1x2 lemon. That means YAOI ACTION people.

* * *

While there is life, there is hope… -John Gay, _the Angel and the Sick Man._

* * *

"Heero! Heero? Where are you?" Duo called, searching his small apartment. He had just brought Heero home, but after leaving him for a shower, he couldn't find Heero anywhere. The front door was still locked, so Duo was fairly sure he hadn't gone out.

'_And even if he had gone, wouldn't he have told me? Or even left a note? No, he's somewhere in the apartment. The body might have changed but the soul had not. So why isn't he answering my call?_' Duo wondered.

Duo walked past the kitchen but stopped to look out the windows. It was raining outside, fairly heavily too. It was unfortunate that the weather was so cold or Heero would have loved it.

'_He loves summer showers,_' Duo mused to himself. He took a step, as if to continue on to the living room, but something caught his eye and he took a step back. Frowning, Duo walked though the kitchen and examined the door to the little balcony. It was open a crack. The rain was beating down heavily, and he could already see rain water pooling on the floor of the kitchen.

"So that's where he is," Duo muttered to himself as he looked out the window from a different angle and saw Heero sitting on the balcony already drenched by the rain. His new body was fairly short and thin and Duo hadn't been able to see him before because his head didn't show over the windowsill.

Duo went back into the hall and pulled on a long rain jacket. He pulled up the hood and hauled out an umbrella from the back of the closet. Shaking it out, he went back through the kitchen and opened the door to the balcony.

The cold rain slammed against Duo, stinging his eyes and instantly soaking his jeans and shoes. Wiping his face with his wet hands—he only succeeded in spreading the water around his face—Duo spit the rain on his lips into the wind and tried to snort the water from his nose. After realizing that all his efforts were being negated by the pounding, frigid rain, Duo stopped and opened up the umbrella, which helped a little but not much.

Holding the umbrella over Heero, Duo stood in front of him, pulling his jacket tight around his shoulders as he attempted to block out the rain. There was a bit of silence, except for the roar of the rain, when neither of them moved or spoke but eventually Heero opened his eyes and looked up at Duo curiously.

"Found you," Duo called to Heero with a smile, his voice pitched to carry over the driving rain. "I was wondering where you were hiding. I was calling for you for almost ten minutes."

"I was here the entire time."

"So I see," Duo replied, motioning to Heero's soaked clothes with a jerk of his head. "Come on inside before you catch a cold and die of pneumonia."

"I'm fine," Heero assured his lover as he closed his eyes again. He didn't move for a second but suddenly he shifted to the left, placing himself in the rain again. Giving up, Duo held the umbrella over him and sat down on his right. Still holding the umbrella over the pair of them, Duo pulled his knees up to his chest, tugging his jacket over his already soaked jeans. Duo wiggled his toes and grimaced at the squelching noise his wet socks and shoes made. "Take off you shoes," Heero whispered softly.

"What?" Duo asked, not expecting Heero to talk.

"Your _shoes_! Take off… your shoes. Your feet are wet now anyway."

"It's dirty out here!"

"It's not so bad. Come on! I did," Heero shouted over the rain. Duo looked over and Heero's feet were indeed bare so he handed the umbrella to Heero and maneuvered to pull off his shoes and socks. When he was done, Duo opened the door an inch and tossed the soaking clothes into the kitchen. He turned back to Heero to find he had folded up the umbrella and tucked it behind his back.

"What'd you do that for?" Duo yelled over the rain, motioning to the umbrella as he held up his hand to protect his face from the downpour.

"It's been so long," Heero said so softly Duo barely heard him over the storm. Duo moved closer to him to hear better and Heero reached out to hold Duo's hand.

"I used to love the rain. The way it looked, smelt, tasted. How it felt on bare skin. And when I died, I couldn't feel anything. Heat or cold or rough surfaces or soft ones. Nothing. I missed it so much. Every time it would rain, all I wanted to do was run out into the storm and let it soak into my skin but I couldn't; it just passed right through me.

"But now I can feel it and it doesn't even matter that I'm cold or wet or uncomfortable or that the water stings my face or… anything. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm alive and every time I feel a rain drop hit my skin I know it for certain that it's not a dream or a fantasy. I'm alive."

Duo turned to look at him and saw that Heero was already looking at him. The rain began to pick up and there was a flash of lighting that slashed through the sky, illuminating Heero's soaked face and hair, showing his blue eyes and perfect face. Then there was darkness again and Heero's face was partially hidden by the night as the thunder roared over the rain.

"Duo," Heero whispered, his hand reaching up to pull the hood from Duo's head, "I've never been so happy in my life."

Duo leaned forward to kiss him and Heero's hands were already reaching up to pull the other man closer. As they kissed, Duo felt Heero's hands pulling and tugging at the raincoat. Duo helped him pull it off and it disappeared. (They later found it in the bushes under their balcony.) There was another flash of lightening and the lights in their apartment flickered out. They didn't notice, either that the lights went out or that they didn't come back on again.

Breaking away, Duo pulled on Heero's shirt and he pulled it off and removed Duo's shirt as well. Duo looked down at their naked chests and knew where they were going.

"Heero, we have to move inside," Duo whispered as Heero began to kiss his way from Duo's lips to his chest. "We can't do this out here."

"No. Let's do it in the rain," Heero moaned, sucking on one of Duo's nipples while pulling on the waist band of Duo's pants. "God, I want you here. Now. Please?"

"Heero, what if someone sees?"

"It's late and dark. No one can see anything," Heero whispered. And it was true. Duo had a hard time seeing him. Duo kissed him deeply and within seconds they were both naked except for their boxers.

"God. Hurry up," Heero begged. "Just take me."

"I can't. You're not ready," Duo protested, but Heero just ground his ass against Duo's groin.

"I don't care. I don't care," He told Duo, chanting the phrase over and over again. Pushing him back a little, Duo moved down his lover's chest, kissing his skin periodically, learning his new form. After a few minutes, the younger man finally reached Heero's boxers and freed his erection. "Duo… what are you…"

Not answering Heero's broken question, Duo instead swallowed Heero's penis whole, stifling a gag as it hit the back of his throat.

"OH FUCK!" Heero screamed, his hands gripping Duo's hair tightly. "God… Duo… Oh shit. Fuck. Fuck!"

"Like that?" Duo asked, licking his penis from base to tip. Wiping the rain from his face, Duo looked up at him and smirked. "How about this?"

Duo experimented with Heero's new body, trying tricks and different tactics to see which worked the best. Some spots were the same, others were different. But in the end, he still tasted like Heero.

"Oh my God," Heero panted, lying spent on their balcony. Duo covered his body with his own, ignoring the cold rain that remained unabated. It still stung a bit but they had both grown used to it and Duo's back and right side were a bit numb. There was a crack of lightening and Duo looked down at his lover's face, trying to remember every detail before the light faded. Heero began to say something, but it was swallowed up by the thunder and he had to repeat it. "You're still hard."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it," Duo told him, kissing his left cheek and then his right. "It's a gift."

"No. I wanted you to take me."

"Didn't you like your blow job?" Duo teased, kissing his nose. Heero groaned and Duo repeated the action. "Well?"

"It was great. But it doesn't solve your problem, Duo. Now be serious and finish the job."

"So it's a job now?" Duo asked in mock anger.

"GOD DAMN IT!" Heero screamed in frustration, as he grabbed Duo shoulders and flipped over. He straddled Duo's waist, who jerked at the erotic contact.

"Perfect," Duo moaned and could sense Heero frowning down at him. "I don't want to take you tonight. Take me."

"What?"

"I'm always top," Duo told Heero while reached down to massage his penis back to a full erection. "Let's make this one different. Memorable."

"Duo," Heero groaned loudly and was echoed by nature with a thunder peal. "We're on our balcony. What else do you want?"

"You know," Duo told him, as he maneuvered their bodies so Heero could take him.

"You're not ready," Heero protested, as Duo pulled him down for a kiss.

"Then hurry up. There's plenty of water around."

Muttering to himself, Heero pulled off Duo's boxers and kissed his lover deeply. Without another word, Heero reached behind Duo and slipped a finger inside him. Duo jerked, his back arching painfully at the penetration.

"You okay?" Heero whispered breaking their kiss.

"Fine. It's just the first time in… I can't remember." Duo replied before kissing Heero and urging him on. Heero eventually slipped another finger in Duo and then a third. "Hurry up! Hurry up!"

"But… I just…" Heero panted, pumping the three fingers into Duo repeatedly as lightening flashed and thunder roar around them unheeded.

"FUCK!" Duo moaned, finally having enough. Lifting himself up a little, Duo pulled Heero's hand out of the way and slid himself around Heero's penis.

"Oh… My God," Heero moaned into Duo's shoulder and Duo bit his lower lips firmly.

"Move," Duo finally commanded Heero after a tense silence. "I'm all right now."

They were silent as Heero slid in and out of Duo's body. They stifled groans and their pants were harsh but they didn't speak or cry out. The rain pounded around them and the lightening would flash every so often, but neither of them noticed. They were too busy feeling alive with each other.

Heero finally exploded into Duo, who followed closely behind and they lay on the balcony allowing the rain to wash away their sweat and semen.

"That was amazing," Heero finally said, turning to Duo. The storm was beginning to move away but there was still rain and the occasional flash of lightening followed by a distant peel of thunder. The rain fell on the pair and washed the sweat and semen off of them. It formed small puddles on the balcony floor, but neither of them cared.

"It really was. You'll have to be top more often," Duo smiled over at his lover. "God, I really missed being able to touch you."

"Me too," Heero whispered, rolling over to kiss Duo. "And now I don't want to ever let go."

"I'm all for a bit more action and some new experiments," Duo moaned while Heero kissed his way down Duo's chest. "But we really ought to move this inside. I was serious about you catching a cold."

"You worry too much, Duo," Heero complained as they went back into the kitchen. "I'm back, aren't I? And this time, I'm not going anywhere."


	23. Love

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 23/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2x1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: 2+1 (implied if you look for it), 3+4 and 5+S. CO is commanding officer. Shonen-ai and pointless humor. Wufei's a little mellow and OOC, but I blame it on the coffee. Underlined is machine. Short filler piece to tie up a few lose ends and fill chronological space.

* * *

With all thy faults, I love thee still. -Cowper, _The_ _Task, II_

* * *

Looking around the copy room, Wufei resisted the urge to look behind the paper shredder. Rolling his eyes at his own stupidity, Wufei left the small room (after surreptitiously glancing behind the massive copier). Shifting his report to his other hand, Wufei rubbed his eyes and decided to check the coffee room for Une. It was his third check but he was tired and, even if Une wasn't there, the coffee was.

Emerging a bit later holding a cup of strong black coffee with three scoops of sugar, Wufei wandered down to Quatre and Trowa's office. He didn't think Une would be there, but they might have a small idea where their CO was.

Nudging the door open with his foot, Wufei walked in the office and blinked. Quatre was sitting on his desk, his broken leg propped up on his swivel chair, playing tonsil hockey with Trowa. Taking a sip of his coffee, Wufei coughed politely, twice, to attract the pair's attention. They finally looked over his after his third, hacking cough.

"Morning," Wufei nodded, taking another sip of his coffee. "Or good afternoon or something like that. Raberba, I thought you were on medical leave for your leg."

"I am. Trowa picked me up in one of the agencies cars and I came in to pick up some papers. Can't fall behind," Quatre smiled and Trowa nodded.

"Absolutely not. And I shall be more than happy to help you keep up," Trowa offered, his voice neutral and deadpan.

"Only from you does that sound dirty," Wufei sighed, finishing off his coffee, and throwing it away. "Do either of you know where Une is?"

"Uh… nope."

"Negative."

"Have you checked her office?"

"The break room?"

"Copy room?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes."

"That is weird," Quatre frowned and Trowa nodded.

"I'm going to ask Maxwell," Wufei shrugged, and wandered over to Duo's office. Trowa scooped Quatre off the desk and they followed him, only to find the office empty.

"Hey, guys. Have any of you see Duo or Une?" Sally asked, leaning into the empty office.

"They appear to be missing," Quatre informed her, waving over Trowa's shoulder.

"Woman? What are you doing here?"

"I was released around one today and I feel just fine, so don't you say a word."

"I give up. Let's just go to Une's office," Wufei sighed, addressing Sally. "Now that you're here, you can plug in the codes to activate open Une's door, so we can check her messages."

Sally nodded and the group of four, trekked over to Une's office. Sally used her card to open the door and they walked in, Trowa kicking the door closed behind them. Wufei looked around and noticed that the answering machine on Une's desk was blinking and hit the play button.

"You have three new messages," the mechanical voice proclaimed. "Friday. Ten Twenty-two AM. Hey guys! It's me, Duo. I'm cough calling in sick. See you all on Monday."

"Was I the only one who heard someone talking in the background?" Quatre asked, before the machine continued.

"Friday. Ten Twenty-three AM. This is Heero Yuy. I'm… calling in alive, but ill. I'll be returning on Monday to seek re-employment."

"Duo shouldn't laugh when Heero calls in sick," Trowa noted and Wufei sighed, shaking his head.

"Friday. Eleven-oh-one AM. This is Colonel Une. I feel stupid, but I didn't know what else to do. I'm calling in married. I'm keeping my own name and you'd better believe I'm staying a fucking colonel. I'll be back in almost exactly a month, but until then, Doc's in charge. She's got authorization to handle everything that goes through this office, so don't give her any issues. If there is a major crisis, and it'd better be good, I'll be available on secure line 689 twenty-four hours a day. You call, you're fired. By the way, Doc, your car's at my place and the keys are under the 'welcome' mat. Sorry about stealing it. End of Messages."

The group looked at each other, feeling a bit dazed. Frowning, Sally walked over to the intercom system in Une's office and turned it on.

"Ahem. Attention everyone. This is Sally Po. Your commanding officer, Colonel Une, has chosen to take a month's worth of personal time and I've been left in charge. Because this unit has no new orders, and I'm in charge, I'm giving everyone the day off. See you all on Monday."

Turning around, Sally only saw Wufei standing there, waiting for her.

"Where did Quatre and Trowa go?"

"They were out of here before you finished that last sentence."

"Oh."

"So."

"So…"

"Do you want to go see a movie?"

"Only if I can pick my car up on the way back."


	24. Past

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 24/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2x1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Shojo-Ai! Massive sap! Sorry to all. **Bold is Japanese.**

Authors Note: Two-for-the-price of one! Cause the last one was short and stupid.

* * *

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -Santayana, _Life of Reason_

* * *

Relena woke up with the intense feeling of something being missing. She rolled onto her back and felt around blindly for… something. She paused for a second and realized that she couldn't remember what she was looking for. And then the really disturbing fact hit her; she couldn't remember going to sleep.

Sitting up in bed, Relena looked around the room, and immediately knew she wasn't in her own bedroom. She wasn't even in Japan anymore.

Looking around, Relena tried to fight the panic rising in her chest and look around the area with a clear mind. It was probably a western style hotel room, Relena figured. As far as she could see there was only a bed facing a TV, a door that probably led to a closet, a desk with a mini-fridge and a microwave under it and a hallway that probably led off to an exit and a bathroom.

There was a large window to her left with the curtains drawn tightly, but the clock sitting on the desk told Relena it was fairly late at night. There were no main light on, but the desk lamp was on and there was a light, most likely from the bathroom, spilling into the murky hall area.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Relena looked down to see that she was only wearing her underwear and a nice, unfastened, button-up top. Frowning, she pulled the shirt closed and got out of bed to go to the place she suspected was a closet. It was, but all she found in the space was an empty safe, three suitcases, two purses and a backpack.

She decided not to go through the luggage, and instead wandered into the bathroom, where she washed her face and combed her hair with her fingers. By focusing her mind on small tasks, she found herself calmer and able to look at her surroundings more objectively. She looked down at her state of undress, and grabbed a bathrobe to cover herself with. She wondered if she should take the time to hunt for a pair of shoes, but decided not to waste the time. She looked odd enough just wearing a bathrobe; bare feet wasn't going to hurt her cause much.

She checked the hallway for any signs of her abductor, but the room was still deserted. She crept out of the bathroom and reached for the doorknob just as it turned and she face-to-face with a woman who was coming in, carrying three enormous shopping bags. The other woman gasped, taking a step back in surprise, and Relena shrieked in terror, before retreating into the bathroom and slamming the door.

'**_OH MY GOD!_** **_IT'S MY KIDNAPPER!_**' Relena thought in terror.

"Relena?" the woman called out in an American accent, knocking on the door, while Relena sat curled into a ball with her back pressed against the door to keep the intruder out. "Miss Relena?! It's me, Dorothy! Are you okay?"

"**Stay away,**" Relena whispered desperately. "**Please. Leave me alone. I want to go home. Please. Please. Let me go.**"

"Miss Relena? Miss Relena, I can't understand you!" Dorothy cried, shaking the doorknob. Reaching up, she smacked the door a few times, panic rising to grip her throat. "What are you saying? Are you okay? Speak to me in English, damn it!"

"Please…" Relena whispered desperately, switching to English. Dorothy paused, her hand stilling mid-smack. Gaining confidence, Relena uncovered her ears and looked up. "Please, leave me alone."

"Relena, please. Come out," Dorothy sighed, pressing her forehead against the door. "It's just me. Dorothy."

"I've never seen you before in my life," Relena replied softly.

Dorothy allowed herself a quick eye roll before slipping back into the part of the confused lover. After she'd packed up Relena and her own clothes and arrived at the hotel, Dorothy had put Relena to bed and spent the next four hours developing a story. She did have to lie away six years, after all.

"Relena, we've been together for almost four years. Jesus, I have pictures of us together," Dorothy sighed and there was a pause. "Do you want to see them? I can prove I'm not just some crazed stalker."

"Show me," Relena replied, and Dorothy went to the closet to get a few pictures out of her purse. She pulled out a few pictures she had that Treize had taken. There was also a strip that had come from a photo-booth. Dorothy was glad that she had given in to Relena's request, even though she thought some of the pictures were rather silly. She slid them under the door and Relena picked them up and examined them carefully. "This is you and me. We looked so happy."

"You really don't remember?" Dorothy asked, sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. "I mean… what is the last thing you remember?"

"I was sitting in my room watching TV. My mother came in and told me… and told me… my father was dead."

"Relena… that was six years ago. The doctors said this might happen… but I didn't think… I didn't know… six years."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"We… We were traveling around and this morning you slipped in the shower and bumped your head," Dorothy began and she listened to a soft rustle. She knew Relena was feeling around her head for a bump, which Dorothy knew was there. She had hit Relena herself. "I took you to the hospital, but you seemed okay… a little foggy on where we were and why we were there… but fine otherwise. I was allowed to take you back to the room, and you went to sleep. They warned me you might lose some memories, but… I didn't think you'd lose so much."

"Six years?" Relena whispered. "How can I be missing so much time? How… How can I forget all that? What am I missing from that time? How did we meet? What about my family? Is my brother still missing? What am I even doing in America? I don't understand!"

"Well, I didn't know you had a brother, so I guess that answers that. But you came to America a year after your father's death and traveled around doing some acting. We met at a party and started dating. Then you moved into my apartment in New York City. We… We were really happy together, you know. I… I love you. Does it bother you that you're dating a woman?"

"Not really. I know I was a little different, ever since my parents tried to set me up with that Winner boy. He was nice but… there just wasn't any spark."

"If you want to leave me, I understand," Dorothy continued after a minute. She bit her lip nervously. This was the hardest part of the entire plan. If Relena chose right, Dorothy would be happy and they both would be safe. If Relena didn't pick the right answer, Dorothy knew the rest of the plan was shot to hell. And there was no way to force Relena's hand. "I mean, you don't know me at all. But… if you want to stay with me… we can take it slow. Start dating again. I'll even sleep on the floor or the couch. We were planning on going to Japan tomorrow and we can stay there as long as you'd like. Maybe that will help your memory. It's really all up to you."

"I think… I think I would like to stay with you. Go to Japan and take it slowly," Relena replied and Dorothy smirked in silent victory. The bathroom door opened and Dorothy looked up at Relena's towering figure. "But… do you even speak Japanese, koi?"

"Not a damn word," Dorothy smiled, getting to her feet. She walked over to the bed and sat down, motioning for Relena to sit down with her. "But I'm sure you can teach me."

Relena stood in the hallway, looking at Dorothy strangely, not going towards the bed.

"Dorothy?"

"Yes?"

"What do you do for a living? You said we were traveling and this isn't a cheap hotel. Who's paying for all this? And how can you just take off for Japan indefinitely?"

"This is mostly my money. I have some investments and inheritance, plus my old job had a great paycheck, but now I'm between jobs, so don't worry about it. I'm sure I can find something in Japan."


	25. Ignorance

Title: One Word Joke

Chapter: 25/25

Author: Dancho

Over all Rating: R

Pairings: Eventual 3+4, 5+S; Established 13x11, 6x9, DxRxD, 2x1.

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I live in a box and wear a barrel.

Summery: The special ops unit under Colonel Une is busy working as an interstate police force, mostly dealing with criminal organization Romefeller. Things have fallen into such a routine that everyone's begun to ignore the quirks and duplicities and are accepting everything as normal. But with the new recruitment of Quatre Raberba, the former Quatre Raberba Winner, will the unit learn that normal is just a word for someone you don't know very well?

Warning: Pretty damn short.

* * *

Where ignorance is bliss/'tis folly to be wise. -Gray, _On a Distant Prospect of Eton_ _College_

* * *

One Month Later:

"Good morning, Hilde," Une smiled as she walked past security. Her uniform was perfectly pressed and her hair was down. Even her glasses were absent from her smiling face as she waved to the security guard and stepped into the elevator. Hilde waited for the elevator doors to close before frantically dialing the number for Wufei's office. He picked up in three rings and she gave him the message.

Colonel Une, unaware of the pandemonium occurring on her floor, stepped out of the elevator to see Sally waiting for her.

"Doc."

"Colonel Une!" Sally grinned, saluting lazily with her right hand, while her left remained in her pocket. "Thank God you've returned. I'm relinquishing command to you."

"That bad?" Une asked returning the salute.

"Your job makes jungle surgery look like an easy affair."

"Thanks for watching them, Sally," Une smiled. "Were they good?"

"For the most part."

"Uh-huh. Uh, sorry about your car. Did you get it back okay?"

"Wufei took me to pick it up," Sally nodded, and Une noticed she was blushing faintly. "Oh. Here comes Duo."

"Duo, nice to see you again," Une smiled as the younger man approached her. He was holding the hand of another man, around his age. "Who is this?"

"Colonel Une, this is Heero Yuy. Heero, you remember Une," Duo smiled, and the other boy snapped to attention, saluting Une crisply.

"Colonel Une! Heero Yuy reporting for service after prolonged absence due to death."

"But… I don't understand…" Une whispered. "You're dead, and you look nothing like him. But you… act so much like him…"

"And he knows everything Heero should know," Duo interrupted. "It's him, all right."

"But how?" Une asked.

"When everyone thought Duo was crazy for seeing me around, he wasn't. When I was killed, my soul was still imprisoned by IRIA. I was able to remain in this plane of existence. I found a body about a month ago that was lacking a soul, because the soul had died, and I took the body."

"I… see…" Une nodded slowly, when Wufei distracted her by approaching. He saluted Une weakly and moved to stand next to Sally. "Wufei."

"Colonel. Glad to see you again."

Quatre was sitting behind his desk, with his broken leg propped up, and he could still hear the group talking with Une. Une had just been told about Sally and Wufei's relationship.

Quatre hoped that Wufei gave Sally the engagement ring soon. Some might think the move might be too early, but everyone at the office knew they'd been dating for at least a year. It was just a pity that Wufei and Sally hadn't known at the time.

Opening a sealed file marked for him (sometimes it had was beneficial to have friends who were international photographers), Quatre pulled out a small bundle of photos with a letter.

'Quatre- I checked out the couple you wanted me to look for. Your idea was dead on. Check out my stuff. By the way, I had a stop over in Luxembourg to visit my brother, and check out what I found. See if these are of interest. –Alex.'

Turning to the pictures, Quatre saw that the first half were pictures of Dorothy and Relena living and working in Japan. Some of the photos were of Dorothy behind the counter of a book store, some were of Relena at rehearsals and auditions, some were of the pair at their apartment and even a few were of the couple having sex.

Blushing, Quatre flipped past those pictures and found that the next set were even odder. They were pictures of Treize and Une holding hands and kissing in public. There were a few of the couple having dinner together and a few showed them shopping together. The last picture was of a French marriage license for a Treize Khushrenada and Lady Une.

Looking back through the pictures, Quatre realized that both couples looked happy and he just couldn't turn them in.

'_And as long as they stay out of the country and don't go back to their previous profession… I suppose people change,_' Quatre tried to rationalize. Looking up, Quatre heard Trowa announce that he would go get Quatre. Hurriedly, Quatre hid the photographs in his desk and covered them up. '_After all, everyone has their secrets. I'll just keep tabs on them… to be safe._'

"Hey Quatre," Trowa's voice called to him from the doorway. "Une's back. You should come out and say hello."

"Coming," Quatre smiled, reaching down for his crutches. Pushing himself out of the chair, Quatre hobbled down the hall to meet his commanding officer.


End file.
